Divorce is often a challenging and emotionally taxing process, but when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, the difficulties can be magnified. Narcissists have a penchant for manipulation and control, and divorce becomes another arena for them to assert dominance and undermine their former partner.
In this article, we will explore various manipulative games narcissists play during divorce. By understanding these tactics, you can better equip yourself to navigate the complexities of divorce and protect your well-being and rights throughout the process.
From gaslighting to financial manipulation, parental alienation to prolonged litigation, join us as we delve into the world of narcissistic games during divorce and empower ourselves to break free from their clutches.
Most Common Games Narcissists Play During Divorce
Here are 25 of the most common games narcissists play during divorce:
- The Victim Card
- Gaslighting
- Blame-Shifting
- Financial Manipulation
- Intimidation and Threats
- Playing the Martyr
- Triangulation
- Parental Alienation
- Delay Tactics
- Hoovering
- Character Assassination
- Emotional Manipulation
- Legal Maneuvering
- Financial Sabotage
- Child Custody Power Play
- Covert Surveillance
- Public Humiliation
- False Accusations
- Stonewalling and Withholding Information
- Smear Campaign
- Financial Control
- Invasion of Personal Space
- Prolonged Litigation
- Love-Bombing and Discarding
- Coercive Mediation
Let’s review each of these games narcissists play during divorce in detail.
1. The Victim Card
Narcissists are skilled at portraying themselves as victims, especially during a divorce. By playing the victim card, they seek sympathy and support from others while blaming their ex-partner for all the problems and the breakdown of the relationship. They present themselves as helpless and innocent, shifting the focus away from their own behavior.
This manipulation tactic aims to gain empathy and validation, painting their ex-partner as the villain and themselves as the wronged party. The narcissist’s goal is to garner support, control the narrative, and deflect any responsibility for their actions during the divorce process.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists during divorce. It involves distorting or manipulating the truth to make their ex-partner doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. The narcissist will deny previous conversations or events, make up alternative versions of events, or outright lie to make their ex-partner question their own reality.
Gaslighting is aimed at undermining the ex-partner’s confidence, creating confusion, and maintaining control. By making their ex-partner doubt their own sanity, the narcissist can further assert power and dominance in the divorce proceedings.
3. Blame-Shifting
Blame-shifting is a classic game played by narcissists during divorce. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions or acknowledging their contribution to the relationship’s failure, narcissists shift the blame onto their ex-partner. They refuse to accept any accountability and portray themselves as faultless.
By placing the blame on their ex-partner, narcissists manipulate the narrative to make themselves look superior and the victim of their partner’s alleged shortcomings. This game aims to not only evade responsibility but also to make their ex-partner feel guilty, responsible, and unworthy.
4. Financial Manipulation
Narcissists often use financial manipulation as a game during divorce. They employ tactics such as hiding assets, inflating debts, or refusing to cooperate in financial settlements. The narcissist’s objective is to gain an unfair advantage and control the financial outcome of the divorce.
By engaging in deceitful practices, they aim to diminish the ex-partner’s financial settlement or leave them in a vulnerable position. Financial manipulation serves as a means for the narcissist to exert power, inflict financial hardship, and maintain control over their ex-partner even after the divorce.
5. Intimidation and Threats
Intimidation and threats are tools frequently employed by narcissists during divorce to exert power and control over their ex-partner. Through verbal, emotional, or even physical intimidation, they aim to instill fear and ensure compliance.
Threats can range from harmful actions towards the ex-partner, their children, or their reputation. By employing such tactics, narcissists seek to intimidate their ex-partner into submission, manipulate their decisions, and gain an upper hand in the divorce proceedings.
6. Playing the Martyr
Narcissists often play the role of the martyr during divorce. They present themselves as self-sacrificing individuals who have given up everything for the sake of the family or children. By portraying themselves as victims of circumstances, they manipulate emotions and guilt-trip their ex-partner.
Playing the martyr allows narcissists to maintain control, elicit sympathy and validation from others, and create a narrative where they are seen as the selfless party who has been wronged.
7. Triangulation
Triangulation is a game where the narcissist involves a third party to create conflict and division during the divorce. They may seek support from friends, family members, or professionals who they believe will side with them. By manipulating these individuals to support their side and undermine their ex-partner, narcissists aim to gain validation, control, and credibility.
Triangulation serves as a tactic to isolate their ex-partner and create doubt in their support system, making it harder for them to navigate the divorce proceedings.
8. Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a harmful game played by narcissists to undermine the relationship between their ex-partner and the children. They may engage in behaviors such as spreading false narratives, poisoning the children’s minds against the other parent, or manipulating custody arrangements. By alienating the children from their ex-partner, narcissists seek to gain control and punish their ex-partner emotionally.
Parental alienation aims to damage the bond between the children and the targeted parent, causing emotional distress and further complicating the divorce process.
9. Delay Tactics
Narcissists often employ delay tactics during divorce to prolong the process and exert control over their ex-partner. They may file frivolous motions, refuse to cooperate, or constantly change lawyers to cause emotional and financial strain on their ex-partner.
By creating delays, narcissists aim to wear down their ex-partner, exhaust their resources, and maintain a sense of power and dominance over the divorce proceedings.
10. Hoovering
Hoovering is a manipulation tactic in which the narcissist alternates between love-bombing and discarding their ex-partner during the divorce. They may shower their ex-partner with affection, attention, and promises of reconciliation (love-bombing) and then abruptly discard them, showing disinterest or withdrawing affection.
By oscillating between these extremes, narcissists manipulate their ex-partner’s emotions, instill confusion, and maintain control over the relationship dynamic even after the divorce process has begun.
11. Character Assassination
Character assassination is a game played by narcissists during divorce where they engage in a smear campaign to damage their ex-partner’s reputation, credibility, and support system. They spread false rumors, lies, or disclose private information to humiliate and undermine their ex-partner’s standing in the community.
By tarnishing their ex-partner’s character, narcissists aim to gain the upper hand in negotiations, control the narrative, and shift the focus away from their own actions and behavior during the divorce.
12. Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation is a pervasive tactic used by narcissists during divorce to exert control and power over their ex-partner. They employ techniques such as guilt-tripping, pity-seeking, emotional blackmail, or playing on their ex-partner’s vulnerabilities and insecurities.
By exploiting emotions, narcissists manipulate their ex-partner’s decisions, elicit specific responses, and maintain dominance in the divorce proceedings.
13. Legal Maneuvering
Narcissists engage in constant legal battles, file unnecessary motions, make baseless accusations, or use aggressive tactics to exhaust their ex-partner emotionally and financially.
Legal maneuvering is a game played to intimidate, drain resources, and exert control over the divorce process. By constantly escalating legal conflicts, narcissists aim to wear down their ex-partner, gain advantage, and maintain dominance.
14. Financial Sabotage
Financial sabotage is a game played by narcissists during divorce where they intentionally squander assets, accumulate debts, or hide income and assets to diminish the financial settlement or leave their ex-partner in a vulnerable position.
Financial sabotage allows narcissists to exert power, inflict financial hardship, and control their ex-partner’s future even after the divorce is finalized.
15. Child Custody Power Play
Narcissists engage in a power play over child custody during divorce by making false allegations, manipulating custody arrangements, or poisoning the children’s minds against the other parent.
By using the children as pawns, they aim to maintain control, punish their ex-partner, and secure a favorable outcome in custody disputes. Child custody power play is emotionally damaging to the children and further complicates the divorce process.
16. Covert Surveillance
Covert surveillance is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists during divorce to invade their ex-partner’s privacy. They may spy on their ex-partner’s activities, monitor their communication, or use technology to gather information without their knowledge or consent.
Covert surveillance aims to intimidate, control, and gather leverage or ammunition to be used during the divorce proceedings.
17. Public Humiliation
Narcissists attempt to publicly shame and humiliate their ex-partner during divorce by disclosing private information, spreading rumors, or airing personal details. Public humiliation serves as a power play to gain a sense of control, belittle their ex-partner, and damage their reputation and support system.
18. False Accusations
False accusations are a manipulative game played by narcissists during divorce. They fabricate allegations such as abuse, neglect, or substance abuse to tarnish their ex-partner’s reputation and gain leverage in custody or settlement negotiations.
False accusations aim to create doubt, manipulate the legal system, and undermine their ex-partner’s credibility and position during the divorce process.
19. Stonewalling and Withholding Information
Narcissists engage in stonewalling and withholding information as a tactic to frustrate and control their ex-partner during divorce. They refuse to provide necessary documentation, financial records, or relevant information, creating delays and difficulties in the divorce process.
By stonewalling and withholding information, narcissists aim to gain an advantage, maintain power, and make the divorce process more arduous for their ex-partner.
20. Smear Campaign
A smear campaign is a systematic effort by narcissists to spread false information, rumors, or lies about their ex-partner to damage their reputation and support system. They engage in character assassination, aiming to tarnish their ex-partner’s credibility, isolate them socially, and control the narrative during the divorce proceedings.
A smear campaign serves as a means to gain advantage, deflect attention from their own behavior, and manipulate the divorce outcome.
21. Financial Control
Narcissists exert financial control over their ex-partner during divorce by restricting access to joint accounts, withholding funds, or refusing to contribute to expenses. Financial control is aimed at causing financial strain, exerting dominance, and making their ex-partner dependent on them even after the relationship has ended.
22. Invasion of Personal Space
Narcissists invade their ex-partner’s personal space as a game during divorce. They may show up unannounced, engage in stalking behavior, or use technology to monitor their ex-partner’s activities without consent. Invasion of personal space creates fear, discomfort, and intimidation, allowing narcissists to exert control and maintain a sense of power over their ex-partner.
23. Prolonged Litigation
Prolonged litigation is a game played by narcissists to continuously engage in legal battles, file appeals, or request modifications to drain their ex-partner’s resources, exhaust them emotionally, and maintain control over the divorce process. By prolonging the litigation, narcissists aim to wear down their ex-partner, gain leverage, and assert dominance.
24. Love-Bombing and Discarding
Love-bombing and discarding is a manipulation tactic where narcissists alternate between showering their ex-partner with affection, attention, and promises of reconciliation (love-bombing), and then abruptly discarding them by showing disinterest or withdrawing affection.
This cycle of extreme behavior creates confusion, emotional turmoil, and a sense of dependency in their ex-partner. Love-bombing and discarding allows narcissists to manipulate emotions, maintain control, and keep their ex-partner emotionally invested even after the divorce has begun.
25. Coercive Mediation
Coercive mediation is a manipulation tactic employed by narcissists during divorce to pressure their ex-partner into accepting unfair agreements or concessions. They use coercion, intimidation, emotional manipulation, or other tactics to sway the mediation process in their favor.
Coercive mediation aims to exploit power dynamics, undermine their ex-partner’s position, and gain an advantageous outcome in the divorce proceedings.
Closing Thoughts
In closing, navigating a divorce with a narcissistic spouse can be a daunting and emotionally draining experience. The manipulative games they play during this time can leave you feeling confused, invalidated, and overwhelmed. It is essential to remember that you are not alone in this journey and that seeking support from professionals and trusted individuals is crucial.
Surrounding yourself with a strong support system and prioritizing your own well-being is key to maintaining your resilience and sanity throughout the process. Remember to set firm boundaries, practice self-care, and focus on your own healing and growth.
Remember that the first step in gaining in the upper hand is to understand the games narcissists play during divorce. To this end we hope you found this article useful.
By understanding the tactics used by narcissists, you can better protect yourself and maintain control over your own narrative, ultimately moving forward into a healthier and happier future.