Narcissists are known for their manipulative and destructive behavior in relationships. One aspect of this behavior is how they treat their “old supply” – those individuals who were once a significant part of their life but have been discarded or devalued.
Understanding this dynamic is crucial for those who have experienced or are currently in a relationship with a narcissist. In this article, we will delve into the complex world of narcissistic supply, exploring why narcissists discard their supply and how they treat their old supply.
You’ll discover surprising insights into the narcissist’s mindset and behavior, shedding light on a topic that is often shrouded in confusion and pain.
Understanding Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic supply is the lifeblood of individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), serving as the emotional sustenance they need to maintain their inflated self-image and fragile sense of self-worth. Without a steady supply, narcissists often experience intense feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, or even rage.
Understanding the concept of narcissistic supply is crucial for comprehending how narcissists interact in relationships and why they treat their old supply in specific ways.
What is Narcissistic Supply?
Narcissistic supply encompasses various forms of emotional sustenance that feed the narcissist’s ego, including:
- Primary Supply: This is the main source of narcissistic supply, typically provided by a romantic partner or spouse. The primary supply is crucial for the narcissist’s sense of self and is often idealized and put on a pedestal.
- Secondary Supply: Secondary sources of supply can include friends, family members, colleagues, or even strangers who admire or flatter the narcissist. While not as essential as primary supply, secondary supply helps bolster the narcissist’s ego and provides additional validation.
- Past Supply: This refers to individuals who were once a significant source of supply but have been discarded or devalued by the narcissist. Despite no longer being actively involved in the narcissist’s life, past supply can still hold significance for the narcissist and may be revisited or reactivated in certain circumstances.
Different Types of Narcissistic Supply
- Attention: Narcissists crave constant attention and may go to great lengths to ensure they are the center of it. They may seek attention through various means, such as being overly charming, provocative, or dramatic.
- Validation: They need validation to affirm their grandiose self-image and may seek it through compliments, admiration, or approval from others. Validation serves as a form of external validation of their self-worth.
- Admiration: Admiration feeds their ego and reinforces their belief in their superiority. They often seek admiration for their achievements, talents, or perceived special qualities.
- Worship: Some narcissists seek almost worship-like adoration from their supply sources, viewing themselves as superior beings deserving of reverence. They may demand unwavering loyalty and obedience from those around them.
Understanding these different types of supply is essential for recognizing how narcissists manipulate and control those around them to fulfill their insatiable need for validation and attention.
Why Do Narcissists Discard Their Supply
Narcissists are known for their abrupt and seemingly heartless discard of their supply, leaving their victims bewildered, hurt, and questioning their worth. Understanding the motivations behind this behavior can shed light on the complex dynamics of narcissistic relationships and help individuals recognize the signs of abuse. Here are some detailed reasons why narcissists discard their supply:
#1. Boredom
Narcissists have an insatiable need for excitement and novelty. Once the initial thrill of a relationship fades, they may become bored and seek new sources of stimulation. This can lead them to discard their current supply in favor of someone new and more exciting, as they crave the rush of a new relationship.
#2. Idealization vs. Devaluation Cycle
Narcissists often cycle between idealizing their supply and devaluing them. During the idealization phase, the narcissist puts the supply on a pedestal, showering them with love and admiration. However, this idealization is often short-lived, and the narcissist quickly moves to the devaluation phase, where they criticize, belittle, and demean the supply. This cycle can be confusing and emotionally draining for the supply, but it allows the narcissist to maintain control and keep the supply emotionally invested.
#3. Need for Control
Narcissists have a deep-seated need to control those around them. Discarding their supply can be a way for them to assert dominance and maintain power in the relationship. By ending the relationship abruptly, the narcissist can leave the supply feeling powerless and dependent on them, further solidifying their control.
#4. Ego Boost
Discarding a supply can provide a narcissist with an ego boost. It reinforces their belief in their superiority and desirability. It can also serve as a way for them to punish the supply for perceived slights or failures to meet their expectations. By discarding the supply, the narcissist asserts their dominance and superiority, further inflating their ego.
#5. Fear of Abandonment
Ironically, narcissists often fear abandonment themselves. Discarding their supply can be a preemptive strike to avoid being rejected or abandoned first. By ending the relationship on their terms, the narcissist maintains a sense of control and avoids experiencing the pain of being left. This fear of abandonment can drive them to discard their supply before they have a chance to leave them.
#6. Competition
Narcissists have an intense need to be the center of attention and may discard their supply if they feel threatened by competition. This competition can be real or perceived, such as a new friend or romantic interest in the supply’s life. By discarding the supply, the narcissist eliminates the perceived threat and reaffirms their position of superiority.
#7. Loss of Interest
Narcissists are known for their shallow and fleeting relationships. Once the initial excitement wears off, they may lose interest in their supply and seek out new sources of excitement. They may discard their supply simply because they no longer find them stimulating or entertaining, moving on to someone new who can provide a fresh source of excitement.
#8. Exhaustion of Supply
Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention, validation, and admiration. They may discard their supply once they feel these needs are no longer being met. This can happen if the supply becomes drained or depleted, unable to keep up with the narcissist’s constant demands for attention and validation.
#9. Idealization of New Supply
Narcissists are always seeking out new sources of validation and admiration. They may discard their current supply in favor of someone new who they believe will better meet their needs. This idealization of new supply can lead them to devalue and discard their old supply without hesitation, as they are constantly seeking out new sources of validation and admiration.
#10. Manipulation and Control Tactics
Discarding their supply can be a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to maintain control in the relationship. By keeping the supply on edge and uncertain about the status of the relationship, the narcissist can ensure they remain emotionally dependent and compliant. This manipulation and control tactics can be incredibly damaging to the supply’s mental and emotional well-being.
#11. Lack of Empathy
One of the defining traits of narcissistic personality disorder is a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists often view their supply as objects to be used for their own gratification, rather than individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. This lack of empathy can lead them to discard their supply without any regard for the emotional impact it may have on the other person.
They may justify their actions by convincing themselves that the supply deserved to be discarded or that it was for the greater good of the narcissist. They may also lack the emotional depth to fully comprehend the pain and suffering they cause their supply, further reinforcing their decision to discard them.
How Do Narcissists Treat Old Supply
Once a narcissist has discarded their old supply, they may continue to interact with them in various ways. These interactions can range from seemingly benign to highly manipulative and abusive. Understanding how narcissists treat their old supply can help individuals recognize and navigate these interactions. Here are some common behaviors exhibited by narcissists towards their old supply:
#1. Hoovering
Hoovering is a tactic used by narcissists to reel their old supply back into a relationship or interaction. This can involve the narcissist reaching out to the old supply with messages of reconciliation, promises of change, or attempts to elicit sympathy or guilt. Hoovering can be incredibly manipulative, as the narcissist may not have any genuine intention of rekindling the relationship but rather seeks to maintain control over the old supply.
#2. Devaluation
Even after discarding their old supply, narcissists may continue to devalue them, either directly or indirectly. This can involve speaking poorly of the old supply to mutual acquaintances, spreading rumors or lies about them, or belittling them in public or private settings. By devaluing their old supply, narcissists can further assert their dominance and control over them.
#3. Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissists to punish their old supply or assert their power over them. By ignoring the old supply’s attempts at communication or refusing to acknowledge their presence, the narcissist can instill feelings of confusion, guilt, and inadequacy in the old supply.
#4. Rekindling Old Relationships
In some cases, narcissists may attempt to rekindle old relationships with their old supply, either as a way to maintain a sense of control or to fulfill a temporary need for validation or attention. These attempts at rekindling old relationships are often short-lived and may end abruptly once the narcissist has satisfied their immediate needs.
#5. Using Old Supply as Backup
Narcissists may also keep their old supply on standby, using them as a backup option in case their current primary or secondary supply falls through. This can involve sporadic contact or occasional interactions, with the narcissist maintaining a presence in the old supply’s life to ensure they remain emotionally available if needed.
#6. Maintaining a Presence in Their Lives
Even after discarding their old supply, narcissists may work to maintain a presence in their lives. This can involve staying connected through social media, sending occasional messages or emails, or even showing up unexpectedly in the old supply’s life. By maintaining a presence, the narcissist can continue to exert influence and control over the old supply, keeping them emotionally invested in the relationship.
#7. Manipulative Games
Narcissists are known for their manipulative behavior, and this extends to their interactions with their old supply. They may play mind games, such as gaslighting or emotional manipulation, to confuse or control the old supply. These manipulative games can be incredibly damaging to the old supply’s mental and emotional well-being.
#8. Seeking Validation and Attention
Despite discarding their old supply, narcissists may continue to seek validation and attention from them. They may do this by fishing for compliments, seeking reassurance, or attempting to elicit sympathy or pity. This constant need for validation and attention can be draining for the old supply, as it may feel like they are being used for the narcissist’s emotional gratification.
#9. Playing Mind Games
Narcissists are skilled at playing mind games, and they may continue to do so with their old supply. This can involve manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, or gaslighting. By playing mind games, narcissists can maintain a sense of control and power over their old supply, keeping them emotionally entangled in the relationship.
#10. Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior, and it is often used by narcissists towards their old supply. This can involve using guilt, fear, or pity to elicit a desired response from the old supply. Emotional manipulation can be incredibly damaging, as it can erode the old supply’s sense of self-worth and lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.
Closing Thoughts
In conclusion, understanding how narcissists treat their old supply is crucial for individuals who have experienced or are currently in a relationship with a narcissist. Recognizing the manipulative and often abusive behaviors exhibited by narcissists towards their old supply can help individuals break free from the cycle of abuse and take steps to protect themselves emotionally and psychologically.
It’s important to remember that no one deserves to be treated with disrespect or cruelty, and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be instrumental in healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.