In today’s digital age, where smartphones and social media dominate our lives, the art of communication has evolved, bringing with it new challenges and complexities. One such challenge is dealing with a narcissist and phone calls.
Narcissism, a personality disorder characterized by self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, can manifest in various ways, including during phone conversations.
In this article, we’ll explore the red flags to watch out for when engaging with narcissists on the phone and offer strategies for handling these situations with compassion and self-preservation.
Narcissists and Phone Calls: The Connection
Phone Calls: A Window into Narcissistic Behavior
Phone calls, despite their simplicity, can provide valuable insights into a person’s true nature. They remove the façade often seen on social media platforms, offering a direct line to a person’s thoughts and emotions. When dealing with narcissists, this unfiltered connection can reveal their narcissistic traits more clearly.
For example, imagine you’re on a call with a friend who constantly talks about themselves, seeking admiration and validation. This behavior might be a sign of narcissism.
How Narcissists Use Phone Calls to Manipulate
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and phone calls provide them with a platform to exercise their manipulative prowess. They use this opportunity to control conversations, gain attention, and ensure that their self-centered agenda is met.
For instance, a narcissistic colleague might call you frequently, demanding your attention and assistance, all while disregarding your own needs and boundaries.
The Narcissist and Phone Calls: Red Flags To Watch Out For!
You should always be careful with any conversation with a narcissist and many of the red flags listed below will apply just as well to face to face conversations.
But these red flags can be accentuated during a phone call with a narcissist and so we are highlighting them here. When conversing with a narcissist over the phone, it’s essential to be vigilant for the following red flags:
#1. Monopolizing the Conversation
One common red flag in phone conversations with narcissists is their tendency to monopolize the conversation. They often dominate discussions, steering them toward topics that revolve around themselves, their achievements, and their needs. This behavior reflects their self-centered nature, where they prioritize their own voice above all else.
Example: During a call, your narcissistic friend consistently talks about their achievements without ever asking about your life or experiences. This behavior can leave you feeling unheard and unimportant.
#2. Frequent Interruptions
Narcissists frequently interrupt others while speaking, dismissing their thoughts and opinions in favor of their own. These interruptions can be disruptive and frustrating, as they undermine your ability to express yourself and contribute to the conversation.
Example: Your narcissistic coworker regularly cuts you off during a phone meeting, making it challenging to contribute or express your ideas. This behavior can create a hostile and unproductive communication environment.
#3. Lack of Active Listening
Another significant red flag is the lack of active listening displayed by narcissists during phone conversations. Genuine listening involves paying attention to the speaker, understanding their perspective, and responding appropriately. Narcissists may pretend to listen but are usually preoccupied with their own thoughts and responses.
Example: Your partner seems distracted during your phone conversation, responding with generic statements while not acknowledging your emotions or concerns. This lack of empathy can leave you feeling isolated and unheard.
#4. Seeking Validation
Narcissists crave validation and admiration, often fishing for compliments or reassurance during phone calls. They may repeatedly bring up their achievements or seek validation for their opinions and decisions.
Example: Your family member frequently brings up their achievements and expects you to shower them with praise during phone conversations. This constant need for validation can be emotionally draining and one-sided.
#5. Manipulative Language
Narcissists employ manipulative language to achieve their goals during phone conversations. This may include guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or playing the victim to manipulate your emotions and actions.
Example: A friend uses emotional manipulation during a phone call to convince you to lend them money, making you feel obligated to comply. Recognizing these tactics is crucial to maintaining healthy boundaries.
#6. Exaggeration and Self-Praise
Narcissists have a tendency to exaggerate their accomplishments and qualities during phone conversations. They often present an idealized version of themselves to garner admiration and respect.
Example: Your narcissistic ex-partner boasts about their extraordinary achievements during a phone call, even if they are not entirely truthful. This behavior can be a means of asserting their dominance.
#7. Ignoring Boundaries
Narcissists frequently disregard personal boundaries during phone conversations. They may push you to engage in discussions or activities that you are uncomfortable with, showing a lack of respect for your preferences.
Example: A colleague insists on discussing your personal life during work-related phone calls, despite your discomfort. Setting boundaries becomes crucial in such situations.
#8. Impatience and Irritability
Narcissists may become impatient and irritable during phone conversations when the discussion does not revolve around them or when they do not receive immediate attention. This impatience can manifest as frustration or annoyance.
Example: Your friend loses patience and becomes angry when you don’t respond to their messages or calls immediately. This behavior can create tension in your relationship.
#9. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists during phone conversations to make you doubt your own perception of reality. They may deny previous statements or events, causing confusion and self-doubt.
Example: Your partner consistently denies saying hurtful things during a phone argument, making you question your memory and sanity. Recognizing gaslighting is crucial to maintaining your sense of self.
#10. Self-Centered Focus
Narcissists have an overwhelming focus on their own needs and desires during phone conversations. They often neglect to inquire about your well-being or show genuine interest in your thoughts and feelings.
Example: Your sibling constantly talks about their plans and never asks about your well-being during phone conversations. This one-sided focus can leave you feeling undervalued.
#11. Attention-Seeking Behavior
Lastly, narcissists use phone calls as a means to satisfy their constant need for attention and admiration. They may exaggerate their achievements or seek validation from others present in the conversation.
Example: A friend exaggerates their recent accomplishments during a group call, seeking validation from everyone present. This attention-seeking behavior can disrupt the flow of conversation.
Closing Thoughts
Dealing with narcissists on the phone can be emotionally draining, but it’s crucial to protect your own well-being and boundaries. Recognizing these red flags and understanding the tactics they employ is the first step in managing such interactions. Remember, you have the right to assert your boundaries and disengage when necessary.
While it may be challenging to change a narcissist’s behavior, you can control how you respond to them. Maintaining your compassion and self-respect in these situations is essential. If the relationship is causing significant distress, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be a valuable step toward healing.
In conclusion, understanding the dynamics of narcissistic phone calls empowers you to navigate these conversations more effectively. By recognizing the red flags and responding with compassion, you can protect your emotional well-being while dealing with narcissists in the digital age.