Most of us know what narcissism is. It’s a term that’s bandied about quite a bit today. But how many of us know what overt narcissism and covert narcissism are? Or know the difference between overt narcissists and covert narcissists?
In this comprehensive article, we’ll explore these distinct narcissistic personality types, delve into their traits and behaviors, and provide strategies for dealing with them compassionately.
Navigating relationships with narcissists can be emotionally taxing. By recognizing the differences between overt and covert narcissists, understanding their common traits, and knowing what you are up against can make all the difference in keeping your sanity.
So without further ado, let’s dive into it: Overt Vs Covert Narcissist. Buckle up!
Understanding Narcissism
Defining Narcissism
Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive focus on oneself. It involves a heightened sense of self-importance, a craving for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. This trait exists on a spectrum, ranging from mild to severe.
At its core, narcissism revolves around self-centeredness and a strong desire for validation and recognition. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often prioritize their own needs and achievements over those of others.
The Narcissistic Spectrum
The Narcissistic Spectrum is a conceptual framework used to describe the range of narcissistic traits and behaviors that individuals can exhibit. It acknowledges that narcissism is not a one-size-fits-all personality trait but rather exists on a continuum. This spectrum encompasses a wide range of narcissistic tendencies, from mild and relatively harmless to severe and potentially destructive.
Here’s a breakdown of the narcissistic spectrum:
Healthy Narcissism
At the lower end of the spectrum, there is what psychologists sometimes refer to as “healthy narcissism.” This involves having a certain level of self-confidence, self-esteem, and a healthy sense of self-worth.
It’s not necessarily negative and can contribute to a person’s overall well-being and success. Healthy narcissism includes the ability to take pride in one’s achievements and maintain a positive self-image without harming others.
Adaptive Narcissism
Moving further along the spectrum, there is a level of narcissism that can be considered adaptive. This involves using some narcissistic traits in a constructive way, such as having ambition, self-assuredness, and a desire to excel.
Adaptive narcissism can drive individuals to achieve their goals and succeed in various domains of life, including work and relationships, without causing significant harm to themselves or others.
Average Narcissism
In the middle of the spectrum lies what can be described as “average narcissism.” Most people exhibit some degree of narcissistic traits, which are a normal part of human psychology.
These traits can include wanting recognition for one’s achievements, seeking validation, and desiring positive feedback. In moderation, these behaviors do not necessarily indicate a personality disorder but rather reflect typical human desires for affirmation and self-esteem.
Overt Narcissism
Moving towards the higher end of the spectrum, overt narcissism becomes more pronounced. Overt narcissists openly display narcissistic traits and behaviors.
They often exhibit grandiosity, a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Overt narcissists are more likely to engage in attention-seeking behaviors and can be disruptive in both personal and professional relationships.
Covert Narcissism
At the extreme end of the spectrum, there is covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism. Covert narcissists are more subtle in their expressions of narcissistic traits.
They may appear modest and selfless on the surface but harbor feelings of entitlement, exploit others, and manipulate behind the scenes. Covert narcissism can be challenging to detect initially due to its less overt nature.
It’s important to note that not everyone who exhibits narcissistic traits or behaviors falls into the category of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a clinical diagnosis. NPD represents the most severe form of narcissism and involves a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that significantly impairs a person’s functioning and relationships.
Understanding the narcissistic spectrum helps us recognize that narcissism exists in varying degrees, and not all individuals with narcissistic traits have a personality disorder. It also highlights the importance of differentiating between healthy levels of narcissism, which can be adaptive, and problematic levels that may require intervention or boundary-setting in relationships.
Overt Narcissists
What Are Overt Narcissists?
Overt narcissists are individuals who prominently display their narcissistic traits and behaviors. They make their grandiosity and self-importance readily apparent to those around them. In many cases, they are the stereotypical image of narcissism that most people conjure when thinking of this personality disorder.
Challenges Dealing With Overt Narcissists in Personal Relationships
Dealing with an overt narcissist in a personal relationship can be emotionally draining and challenging. Here are some common issues individuals often face when interacting with overt narcissists:
- Feeling Unheard: Overt narcissists’ constant need for attention can make others feel unheard and unimportant in the relationship.
- Manipulation and Exploitation: They may manipulate and exploit those close to them to meet their own needs and desires.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Their fragile self-esteem can lead to mood swings and emotional volatility, making the relationship unpredictable.
- Difficulty in Conflict Resolution: Overt narcissists often avoid responsibility and accountability in conflicts, making resolution difficult.
- Impact on Self-Esteem: Being in a relationship with an overt narcissist can erode one’s self-esteem and self-worth.
Challenges Dealing With Overt Narcissists in Professional Relationships
Overt narcissists can also pose challenges in professional settings, affecting the workplace dynamics and productivity. Here are some common issues encountered when working with overt narcissists:
- Teamwork and Collaboration: Their need for sole recognition can hinder teamwork and collaborative efforts.
- Credit Taking: Overt narcissists may take credit for the work of others, leading to resentment among colleagues.
- Conflict in Leadership Positions: In leadership roles, their authoritarian style and inability to accept criticism can create conflicts.
- Office Politics: They may engage in office politics and manipulation to advance their career.
- Tension and Disruption: Working with an overt narcissist can create tension and disruption within the workplace, affecting morale.
Understanding these challenges is the first step in effectively dealing with overt narcissists. In the next section, we’ll explore covert narcissists, their characteristics, and the unique challenges they present.
Covert Narcissists
What Are Covert Narcissists?
Covert narcissists, unlike their overt counterparts, are more subtle in their narcissistic behaviors. They don’t display their grandiosity and self-importance as openly, making them harder to identify at first glance. Covert narcissism is often referred to as vulnerable narcissism, as these individuals tend to hide their insecurities behind a façade of modesty and selflessness.
Characteristics and Behaviors of Covert Narcissists
Identifying covert narcissists can be challenging due to their less overt behavior, but they do exhibit distinct characteristics and behaviors once you know what to look for. Here are some key traits:
- Hypersensitivity: Covert narcissists are hypersensitive to criticism or perceived slights, often reacting with defensiveness or withdrawal.
- Insecurity: Despite their outward modesty, they have a deep-seated sense of insecurity and inadequacy.
- Passive-Aggressiveness: They may express their resentment and anger through passive-aggressive behaviors rather than direct confrontation.
- Martyr Complex: Covert narcissists may portray themselves as selfless martyrs who constantly sacrifice for others.
- Manipulative Benevolence: They use acts of kindness and help as a means of gaining admiration and validation.
- Difficulty in Sharing Attention: Covert narcissists struggle to share attention and may feel envious when others receive recognition.
- Secretive Behavior: They may engage in secretive or sneaky behavior to maintain their image of selflessness.
- Low Self-Esteem: Their insecurity often leads to low self-esteem, contributing to their need for external validation.
- Control through Victimhood: Covert narcissists may gain control over others by portraying themselves as victims who need constant support and protection. This is referred to as the Covert Narcissist Victim Mentality.
- Gaslighting: They may use gaslighting techniques to manipulate others and maintain control over the narrative.
- Avoiding Responsibility: Covert narcissists often avoid taking responsibility for their actions or mistakes.
Challenges Recognizing Covert Narcissists
Recognizing covert narcissists can be challenging due to their ability to conceal their narcissistic tendencies behind a mask of humility and selflessness. Here are some difficulties people may encounter when trying to identify covert narcissists:
- Deceptive Behavior: Covert narcissists excel at hiding their true selves, making it challenging to see through their façade.
- Martyr Persona: They may appear as selfless individuals who sacrifice for others, making it easy to dismiss any suspicion of narcissism.
- Subtle Manipulation: Covert narcissists employ subtle manipulation tactics, making it less obvious compared to the overt narcissist’s tactics.
Challenges Dealing with Covert Narcissists
Dealing with covert narcissists can be just as challenging as dealing with overt narcissists, albeit in a different way. These individuals often fly under the radar with their subtle manipulation tactics. Here are five strategies to help you navigate interactions with covert narcissists:
#1. Educate Yourself
Knowledge is your greatest weapon when dealing with covert narcissists. Learn about the signs and behaviors associated with covert narcissism. Understanding their tactics, such as passive-aggressiveness and manipulation, will help you recognize them more easily.
#2. Trust Your Intuition
If something feels off in your interactions with someone, trust your gut feelings. Covert narcissists may try to make you doubt your own perceptions and reality through gaslighting and manipulation. Maintain confidence in your own judgment and instincts.
#3. Maintain Boundaries
Just like with overt narcissists, setting clear boundaries is crucial. Covert narcissists may test boundaries more subtly, so it’s important to be firm in your limits. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and be prepared to enforce them if necessary.
#4. Assertive Communication
When addressing issues with a covert narcissist, practice assertive communication. State your concerns calmly and directly, focusing on specific behaviors rather than making generalized accusations. This approach can help prevent them from deflecting blame and maintain accountability.
#5. Limit Your Exposure
If possible, limit your exposure to covert narcissists. While it’s not always feasible to cut ties completely, reducing the frequency and intensity of interactions can help protect your emotional well-being. Choose your battles wisely and prioritize your own mental health.
Dealing with covert narcissists requires patience and resilience, as their manipulative tactics can be emotionally draining.
Overt Vs Covert Narcissist: Key Differences
To truly understand and navigate interactions with narcissists, it’s crucial to recognize the differences between overt and covert narcissists. While both share core narcissistic traits, they manifest these traits in distinct ways. Below, we’ve outlined the key differences between these two types of narcissists in a tabular form:
| Characteristic | Overt Narcissists | Covert Narcissists |
|---|---|---|
| Expression of Grandiosity | Open and flamboyant; they openly brag about their achievements and superiority. | Concealed and subtle; they downplay their accomplishments, appearing modest. |
| Seeking Attention | Crave constant attention and admiration; often dominate conversations. | Seek attention indirectly, portraying themselves as modest and selfless. |
| Response to Criticism | React defensively or angrily when criticized, rarely accepting fault. | Respond with passive-aggressiveness, avoidance, or self-pity. |
| Manipulative Tactics | Employ more overt and direct manipulation tactics. | Utilize subtle manipulation, often playing the victim. |
| Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem | May have a more apparent façade of self-confidence, but it often masks deep insecurity. | Display vulnerability and low self-esteem beneath their humble exterior. |
| Impact on Others | Can be emotionally overwhelming and may provoke strong reactions from those around them. | May fly under the radar initially, making it challenging for others to recognize their behavior. |
| Recognition by Others | Often identified more easily due to their overt behavior and arrogance. | May go unnoticed for extended periods, as their behavior is less obvious. |
| Challenges in Relationships | Tend to create conflict and chaos in relationships due to their overt behaviors. | Can create confusion and emotional turmoil due to their subtle manipulations and passive-aggressiveness. |
Understanding these differences is crucial for effectively managing interactions with both overt and covert narcissists. In the following sections, we’ll provide strategies for dealing with each type compassionately, helping you navigate these challenging relationships with empathy and insight.
5 Strategies for Dealing with Overt Narcissists
Dealing with overt narcissists can be demanding, but it’s possible to manage these relationships with care and empathy. Here are five effective strategies to help you navigate interactions with overt narcissists:
#1. Set Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries is essential when dealing with overt narcissists. Define your limits and communicate them assertively. Overt narcissists often test boundaries, so it’s crucial to be consistent and firm in upholding them. For example, if an overt narcissist frequently monopolizes conversations, kindly but firmly redirect the conversation or let them know when you need to speak.
2. Practice Empathetic Communication
While it may be challenging, try to approach conversations with empathy. Understand that beneath their grandiose exterior, overt narcissists often struggle with fragile self-esteem. Listen actively and acknowledge their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their perspective. Empathetic communication can defuse tension and encourage more constructive interactions.
#3. Avoid Emotional Engagement
Overt narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, both positive and negative. Try to remain emotionally neutral during interactions. This doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions, but rather not allowing their behavior to trigger strong emotional responses. This can help disrupt their cycle of seeking attention and admiration.
#4. Document Interactions
Keeping a record of interactions with overt narcissists can be helpful, especially in professional settings or when dealing with legal matters. Document instances of manipulation, boundary violations, or other problematic behavior. This documentation can serve as evidence if needed and help you maintain clarity about the dynamics of the relationship.
#5. Seek Support and Therapy
Dealing with overt narcissists can be emotionally taxing. Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide guidance and a safe space to discuss your experiences. Therapy can also help you develop coping strategies and navigate the emotional toll of dealing with narcissistic personalities.
5 Strategies for Dealing with Covert Narcissists
Interacting with covert narcissists can be just as challenging as dealing with overt narcissists, albeit in a different way. These individuals often fly under the radar with their subtle manipulation tactics. Here are five strategies to help you navigate interactions with covert narcissists:
#1. Educate Yourself
Knowledge is your greatest weapon when dealing with covert narcissists. Learn about the signs and behaviors associated with covert narcissism. Understanding their tactics, such as passive-aggressiveness and manipulation, will help you recognize them more easily.
#2. Trust Your Intuition
If something feels off in your interactions with someone, trust your gut feelings. Covert narcissists may try to make you doubt your own perceptions and reality through gaslighting and manipulation. Maintain confidence in your own judgment and instincts.
#3. Maintain Boundaries
Just like with overt narcissists, setting clear boundaries is crucial. Covert narcissists may test boundaries more subtly, so it’s important to be firm in your limits. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and be prepared to enforce them if necessary.
#4. Assertive Communication
When addressing issues with a covert narcissist, practice assertive communication. State your concerns calmly and directly, focusing on specific behaviors rather than making generalized accusations. This approach can help prevent them from deflecting blame and maintain accountability.
#5. Limit Your Exposure
If possible, limit your exposure to covert narcissists. While it’s not always feasible to cut ties completely, reducing the frequency and intensity of interactions can help protect your emotional well-being. Choose your battles wisely and prioritize your own mental health.
Dealing with covert narcissists requires patience and resilience, as their manipulative tactics can be emotionally draining.
Common Red Flags and Warning Signs: Overt Vs Covert Narcissists
Before we delve into the warning signs, it’s crucial to emphasize that displaying some of these characteristics doesn’t automatically label someone as a narcissist. A diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) should be made by a mental health professional based on a comprehensive assessment.
That said, being aware of these common red flags and warning signs can help you identify potential narcissistic tendencies in individuals you interact with. Let’s take a closer look at each of these behaviors and traits often associated with both overt and covert narcissists:
#1. Excessive Self-Centeredness
Overt Narcissists: They openly and brazenly prioritize themselves above all else. Their conversations consistently revolve around their achievements, superiority, and desires. They may interrupt others frequently to refocus the conversation on themselves.
Covert Narcissists: While seemingly more selfless on the surface, covert narcissists also exhibit self-centeredness. However, they hide it behind acts of supposed selflessness, often using self-sacrifice to gain admiration and validation.
#2. Lack of Empathy
Overt Narcissists: Empathy is a rare trait in overt narcissists. They struggle to understand or validate others’ emotions, often dismissing them as inconsequential or unwarranted.
Covert Narcissists: Similarly, covert narcissists lack empathy but may appear more sympathetic. They may feign empathy, yet their actions reveal a consistent pattern of indifference to others’ feelings and needs.
#3. Manipulative Behavior
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists employ more overt and direct manipulation tactics. They may use charm, flattery, or even intimidation to achieve their goals or maintain control over others.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, on the other hand, opt for subtle manipulation strategies. They are adept at employing guilt-tripping, passive-aggressiveness, and victimhood to achieve their desired outcomes.
#4. Grandiosity
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists openly express their grandiosity and self-importance. They have no qualms about bragging about their achievements, talents, and perceived superiority.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, while less obvious, share the same core belief in their uniqueness and superiority. They hide their grandiosity beneath a façade of modesty and humility.
#5. Need for Constant Validation
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists are insatiable when it comes to seeking admiration and validation. They continuously fish for compliments and attention to feed their fragile self-esteem.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists also require constant validation but may obtain it more indirectly. They often play the role of the victim, eliciting sympathy and attention from others.
#6. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Overt Narcissists: When criticized, overt narcissists typically react defensively or angrily. They rarely accept responsibility for their actions and are quick to shift blame onto others.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, rather than overtly dismissing criticism, tend to avoid it altogether. They may resort to passive-aggressive behavior or use self-pity to deflect blame.
#7. Lack of Accountability
Overt Narcissists: Accountability is a foreign concept for overt narcissists. They seldom acknowledge their mistakes or take responsibility for their actions, instead opting for excuses or shifting blame.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists also evade accountability but may do so more subtly. They excel at evading responsibility through passive-aggressive tactics or playing the victim.
#8. Fragile Self-Esteem
Overt Narcissists: Underneath their apparent confidence, many overt narcissists harbor a fragile self-esteem. This fragility can lead to emotional instability and volatile reactions when their self-worth is questioned.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists often struggle with low self-esteem beneath their modest exterior. Their vulnerability is well-hidden, making it challenging to discern until deeper into the relationship.
#9. Controlling Behavior
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists may openly attempt to control and dominate those around them to maintain their perceived superiority. This control can manifest through micromanagement or authoritarian behavior.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists employ subtler forms of control, often by manipulating emotions or portraying themselves as helpless victims who need protection.
#10. Isolation of Others
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists may isolate individuals from their support networks to establish dominance and maintain control over their victims.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists can be equally adept at isolating others, often through subtle emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping.
#11. Sense of Entitlement
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists possess a strong sense of entitlement, believing they deserve special treatment, privileges, and constant admiration from others. They may demand preferential treatment.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists share this sense of entitlement but may express it more passively, expecting others to cater to their needs without overtly demanding it.
#12. Shifting Blame
Overt Narcissists: When things go wrong, overt narcissists are quick to point fingers at others, deflecting responsibility and avoiding accountability.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists also engage in blame-shifting but may do so more subtly, often portraying themselves as innocent victims of circumstances.
#13. Unrealistic Expectations
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists harbor unrealistic expectations of what they deserve in life and what others should provide for them. These expectations can lead to constant dissatisfaction.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists similarly hold unrealistic expectations but may express them less overtly, creating a sense of unease and inadequacy in those around them.
#14. Charming Exterior
Overt Narcissists: Many overt narcissists present a charming and charismatic exterior to the world. Their ability to captivate and manipulate others is often one of their defining traits.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, while less openly charming, may use their perceived modesty and selflessness to create a façade of likeability and trustworthiness.
#15. Difficulty Maintaining Long-Term Relationships
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists’ intense need for validation and admiration can strain long-term relationships. They may struggle to maintain deep, meaningful connections.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists’ manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviors can erode trust and create instability in long-term relationships, causing them to struggle in maintaining them.
Closing Thoughts
In closing, understanding the distinctions between overt and covert narcissists empowers us to navigate these challenging personalities with compassion and insight. While recognizing common red flags is valuable, it’s crucial to approach individuals with empathy and reserve judgment, as a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder must be made by a mental health professional.
Coping with narcissistic individuals demands patience and resilience, and seeking support from friends, family, or therapy can be invaluable. Remember that prioritizing your mental health is essential when dealing with these complex relationships. By combining awareness, empathy, and self-care, you can better manage interactions with narcissists while safeguarding your well-being.