Marriage, often seen as the union of two souls, is a journey filled with love, companionship, and shared dreams. However, when two individuals with narcissistic tendencies tie the knot, this romantic journey can take a perilous turn.
In this article, we explore the potential problems when two narcissists marry, shedding light on the challenges they may face. From constant power struggles to a lack of emotional intimacy, the clash of egos can lead to a toxic and emotionally draining relationship. Let’s delve deeper into these issues and understand the complex dynamics at play when narcissists become a couple.
Potential Problems When Two Narcissists Marry
When two individuals with narcissistic tendencies enter into a marriage, the union becomes a complex, challenging journey. Here, we’ll explore in-depth the potential problems they may encounter:
1. Constant Power Struggles
Narcissists are known for their self-centered and entitled nature. When two narcissists marry, their egos collide in a constant battle for dominance and control. Each partner seeks to assert their superiority, resulting in a never-ending power struggle. Such a power struggle is, of course, true whenever you have two narcissists in a relationship – any relationship, not just marriage. But in a marriage it’s more pronounced as the narcissists are always together.
Example:
Imagine a couple, both narcissists, who argue relentlessly over trivial matters like what to have for dinner. Each wants their choice to prevail, leading to heated debates and unresolved conflicts.
2. Lack of Empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share in another’s feelings, is often absent in narcissistic individuals. In a marriage between two narcissists, this deficiency can hinder emotional support and connection.
Example:
One partner may be going through a tough time at work, seeking comfort and understanding from their spouse. However, the narcissistic partner’s inability to empathize may result in dismissive responses, exacerbating the emotional distress.
3. Competition for Attention
Narcissists crave admiration and attention as if it were oxygen. In a narcissistic marriage, both partners vie for the spotlight, leading to fierce competition and a constant need to outshine each other.
Example:
Picture a scenario where both partners attend a social event. Instead of enjoying the moment together, they focus on trying to outdo each other, turning what should be an enjoyable evening into a stressful competition.
4. Inability to Compromise
Successful marriages thrive on compromise and mutual understanding. However, narcissists often struggle with compromise due to their grandiose fantasies and a deep-seated fear of criticism. This inability to meet in the middle can create ongoing conflict and frustration.
Example:
When making important decisions as a couple, such as where to live or how to manage finances, the narcissistic partners’ refusal to compromise can lead to impasses and unresolved issues.
5. Idealization and Devaluation
A common pattern in narcissistic relationships involves idealization followed by devaluation. Initially, they may idealize their partner, placing them on a pedestal, only to later devalue and criticize them.
Example:
In the honeymoon phase of their marriage, a narcissistic couple may shower each other with praise and affection. However, as time goes on, they begin to find faults and flaws in each other, leading to frequent arguments and emotional upheaval.
6. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Unfortunately, it is often lacking in relationships between narcissists. Their intense focus on themselves can leave their partner feeling emotionally neglected and unfulfilled.
Example:
A narcissistic partner may struggle to provide emotional support during difficult times, leaving their spouse feeling isolated and emotionally disconnected.
7. Manipulation and Gaslighting
Narcissists are adept at manipulation, and they may resort to gaslighting tactics to maintain control. In a marriage, these tactics can create an environment of confusion and self-doubt.
Example:
One partner may manipulate the other by distorting the truth or denying past statements, causing the victimized spouse to question their own memory and perception of reality.
8. High Conflict Environment
With constant power struggles, emotional manipulation, and a lack of empathy, marriages between narcissists can quickly become a high-conflict environment. When the two narcissists collide, arguments and disputes may become a regular occurrence, causing emotional turmoil.
Example:
A seemingly innocuous disagreement over household chores can escalate into a heated argument, with both partners unwilling to back down, resulting in a toxic atmosphere at home.
9. Financial Disputes
The need for control and dominance extends to financial matters for narcissists. This can lead to disputes over money, assets, and financial decisions in the marriage.
Example:
One partner may attempt to control all financial aspects of the marriage, leading to resentment and financial instability for the other spouse.
10. Difficulty in Parenting
Parenting in a narcissistic marriage can be particularly challenging. The focus on self can make it difficult for both partners to prioritize the needs of their children, potentially causing harm to their upbringing.
Example:
A narcissistic parent may prioritize their own desires and ambitions over the well-being of their children, neglecting their emotional and physical needs.
11. Infidelity
The insatiable need for admiration and attention that narcissists possess can drive them to seek validation outside the marriage. This behavior can lead to infidelity and betrayal, further damaging the relationship.
Example:
One spouse may engage in extramarital affairs seeking the admiration they crave, causing immense pain and betrayal to the other partner.
12. Isolation from Friends and Family
Narcissists may attempt to isolate their partner from friends and family, further exacerbating the sense of control and dependence within the relationship. This isolation can have detrimental effects on the couple’s support system.
Example:
A narcissistic partner may discourage their spouse from spending time with friends or visiting family, leaving them feeling isolated and dependent solely on the narcissist for social interaction.
13. Inability to Sustain Long-term Commitment
Narcissistic marriages often struggle to maintain long-term commitment. The lack of emotional connection and constant conflict can lead to separation or divorce, as neither partner can sustain a fulfilling, lasting partnership.
Example:
After years of a tumultuous marriage, both partners may come to the realization that their relationship is no longer sustainable, leading to the decision to part ways.
14. Mental Health Issues
Living in a narcissistic marriage can take a severe toll on mental health. Partners may experience anxiety, depression, and other psychological issues as a result of the constant turmoil and emotional abuse.
Example:
One partner may develop anxiety due to the unpredictability of their spouse’s moods and the fear of constant criticism and conflict.
15. Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation
The cycle of idealization followed by devaluation in narcissistic marriages can create a chaotic and emotionally unstable environment. This constant rollercoaster of emotions leaves both partners feeling drained and emotionally exhausted.
Example:
The repeated pattern of praise and criticism can cause emotional turmoil, leading to feelings of confusion, insecurity, and emotional exhaustion for both partners.
Closing Thoughts
Navigating a marriage between two narcissists is a daunting journey fraught with numerous challenges. The constant power struggles, lack of empathy, and emotional volatility can take a toll on both partners. However, it’s important to remember that change and growth are possible, even in the most difficult circumstances.
Counseling and therapy with trained psychologists can provide a path towards healing and understanding. While the road may be long and fraught with hurdles, it’s not impossible for narcissistic couples to find a healthier way to coexist.
If you or someone you know is in a narcissistic marriage, seeking professional help and support is essential. Remember, compassion and self-awareness can pave the way to a more fulfilling and emotionally satisfying relationship, even for those with narcissistic tendencies.