Navigating relationships with narcissistic fathers can be emotionally challenging and mentally draining. Their words often carry manipulation, blame, and self-centeredness, leaving family members feeling helpless and invalidated.
In this comprehensive blog post, we’ll explore common phrases narcissistic fathers may utter and provide practical responses to help you assert your self-worth, set boundaries, and maintain your emotional well-being.
By understanding these patterns and learning how to respond, you can empower yourself to foster healthier relationships and find the strength to navigate the complexities of life with a narcissistic father.
101 Things Narcissistic Fathers Say (And How to Respond)
We’ve divided the things narcissistic fathers say into 10 categories. This way you can focus on the category that interests you the most.
These categories are:
- Self-Centeredness
- Gaslighting and Denial
- Invalidation
- Blame-Shifting
- Manipulation
- Comparison
- Projection
- Emotional Blackmail
- Lack of Empathy
- Grandiosity
Now let’s look at the things narcissistic fathers say in each of these categories.
Self-Centeredness
#1. “I’m the most important person in this family.”
How to Respond:
Maintain your self-worth and remind yourself that everyone in the family should be treated with equal importance. Seek support from friends, other family members, or a therapist to bolster your self-esteem.
#2. “What matters most is how I feel.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their feelings but assert that your feelings are equally important. Communication and compromise are key; try to find a balance where both parties’ feelings are considered.
#3. “You exist to make me look good.”
How To Respond:
Recognize that your worth isn’t tied to their image. Focus on your own growth and achievements, separate from their expectations or demands.
#4. “My needs always come first.”
How To Respond:
Encourage open dialogue about everyone’s needs and establish boundaries. Express your own needs and insist on fair treatment within the family.
#5. “Nobody else’s opinions or feelings matter.”
How To Respond:
Affirm that everyone’s opinions and feelings should be respected. Try to create a supportive environment where open communication is encouraged.
#6. “I deserve special treatment.”
How To Respond:
Politely but firmly assert that special treatment should be earned through mutual respect and not granted solely based on their demands.
#7. “I’m the only one who can solve our problems.”
How To Respond:
Emphasize the importance of teamwork and shared responsibility in resolving family issues. Encourage collaboration rather than relying solely on one person.
#8. “You should be grateful for everything I do for you.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge any positive actions but assert that love and support should not come with strings attached. Express gratitude for genuine care but not for manipulative behavior.
#9. “I’m the smartest person in this house.”
How To Respond:
Emphasize that intelligence is not the sole measure of a person’s worth. Promote the idea that everyone brings unique qualities to the family.
#10. “You’re lucky to have me as your father.”
How To Respond:
Remember that everyone deserves love and respect within a family. Avoid succumbing to guilt or manipulation by reminding yourself that you deserve healthy, loving relationships.
Gaslighting and Denial
#11. “You must be mistaken; that never happened.”
How To Respond:
Trust your memory and feelings. Maintain your perspective and calmly provide evidence or examples to support your recollection.
#12. “You’re imagining things.”
How To Respond:
Remind yourself that your feelings and experiences are valid. Seek validation from supportive friends or family members who can help confirm your reality.
#13. “I never said that.”
How To Respond:
If you have evidence or witnesses to support your claim, calmly present it. Keep records of important conversations when possible to validate your memory.
#14. “You’re just making up stories to make me look bad.”
How To Respond:
Reiterate your intent to have an honest and respectful conversation. Focus on the issue at hand and avoid getting sidetracked by their attempts to deflect blame.
#15. “You’re too sensitive.”
How To Respond:
Embrace your sensitivity as a valid part of who you are. Request that your feelings and concerns be taken seriously rather than dismissed.
#16. “I don’t remember doing anything like that.”
How To Respond:
Suggest discussing the issue further to gain clarity and understanding. Sometimes, people genuinely forget or have different perspectives.
#17. “You’re overreacting.”
How To Respond:
Express your feelings without shame and communicate the impact of their actions on you. Share how their behavior affects your emotional well-being.
#18. “You’re crazy if you think I would do that.”
How To Respond:
Remain calm and collected, focusing on the facts. Provide evidence if possible and avoid engaging in an emotionally charged argument.
#19. “I would never hurt you.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their statement but express your feelings about how certain actions or words have hurt you in the past. Seek an open and honest conversation about their behavior.
#20. “You’re just trying to make me feel guilty.”
How To Respond:
Stay true to your feelings and intentions. Avoid falling into a guilt-tripping cycle, and emphasize the importance of addressing issues honestly and constructively.
Invalidation
#21. “Your feelings don’t matter.”
How To Respond:
Assert that your feelings are valid and important. Communicate the need for empathy and understanding within the family.
#22. “Stop whining.”
How To Respond:
Express that you have a right to share your concerns and emotions. Ask for respectful communication rather than dismissive language.
#23. “You’re always so dramatic.”
How To Respond:
Request that your emotions and reactions be taken seriously. Explain that labeling your emotions as dramatic only adds to your distress.
#24. “You’re too emotional.”
How To Respond:
Emphasize that emotions are a natural part of being human and should be acknowledged rather than belittled. Encourage open conversations about feelings.
#25. “You’re just seeking attention.”
How To Respond:
Explain that sharing your feelings is not solely for attention but for understanding and connection. Assert that attention-seeking is a normal aspect of family dynamics.
#26. “Don’t be such a crybaby.”
How To Respond:
Stand up for your right to express your emotions. Remind your father that vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness.
#27. “I don’t care how you feel.”
How To Respond:
While it’s challenging, seek support from other family members or friends who may be more empathetic. Distance yourself emotionally when necessary to protect your well-being.
#28. “Grow up and stop being a baby.”
How To Respond:
Communicate that emotional growth and maturity involve acknowledging and managing feelings, not suppressing them. Request respect for your emotional journey.
#29. “You’re too weak to handle this.”
How To Respond:
Remind yourself that you possess inner strength and resilience. Seek support from people who recognize your strengths and encourage your growth.
#30. “Your problems are insignificant.”
How To Respond:
Validate your concerns and seek out individuals who can empathize and provide emotional support. Remember that what matters to you is significant.
Blame-Shifting
#31. “Everything wrong in this family is your fault.”
How To Respond:
Maintain your self-esteem and assert that family issues are complex and involve everyone. Encourage open communication to address problems collectively.
#32. “If you didn’t do [XYZ], I wouldn’t have to act this way.”
How To Respond:
Refrain from accepting blame that isn’t rightfully yours. Encourage personal responsibility and open discussions about behavior and consequences.
#33. “You make me lose my temper.”
How To Respond:
Express that each person is responsible for their own emotions and reactions. Encourage self-awareness and anger management techniques.
#34. “You always push me to this point.”
How To Respond:
Avoid taking responsibility for their behavior. Instead, emphasize the importance of respectful communication and problem-solving without resorting to blame.
#35. “You’re the one who ruined our family.”
How To Respond:
Recognize that family issues are rarely the sole responsibility of one individual. Encourage discussions that address the contributions of all family members.
#36. “I have to be this way because of you.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge that personal behavior is a choice, and nobody is forced to act a certain way. Encourage self-reflection and a commitment to healthier interactions.
#37. “You’re the one who’s impossible to live with.”
How To Respond:
Discuss the importance of compromise and understanding in a family. Avoid internalizing blame and focus on finding solutions together.
#38. “I wouldn’t have to criticize you if you weren’t so [negative trait].”
How To Respond:
Challenge unfair criticism and emphasize the value of constructive feedback. Encourage respectful communication and addressing concerns without blame.
#39. “You brought this upon yourself.”
How To Respond:
Refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Promote accountability and encourage discussion of actions and consequences in a rational manner.
#40. “You’re the reason I’m so unhappy.”
How To Respond:
Recognize that one person cannot be responsible for another’s happiness. Suggest seeking individual and family therapy to address deeper issues.
Manipulation
#41. “If you loved me, you would do what I want.”
How To Respond:
Assert that love should not be conditional or manipulative. Emphasize the importance of making decisions based on what is best for you, not out of fear or guilt.
#42. “You’re only valuable when you do what I say.”
How To Respond:
Recognize your intrinsic value and autonomy. Encourage respectful dialogue and decision-making that considers the well-being of all family members.
#43. “I did this for your own good, even if you don’t see it.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their intent but assert that actions should be transparent and mutually agreed upon. Encourage open communication about decisions that affect you.
#44. “You’ll regret it if you don’t listen to me.”
How To Respond:
Avoid making decisions out of fear. Focus on making choices that align with your values and goals rather than succumbing to threats.
#45. “You owe me for everything I’ve done for you.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge gratitude for support but assert that love and care should not be transactional. Emphasize the importance of healthy, loving relationships.
#46. “I’ll only love you if you do things my way.”
How To Respond:
Reject conditional love and express the importance of unconditional love within the family. Your worth is not determined by meeting their demands.
#47. “I’ll withhold my affection until you comply.”
How To Respond:
Avoid seeking validation or affection through manipulation. Seek support from others who offer genuine care and love without strings attached.
#48. “I’ll punish you if you disobey.”
How To Respond:
Emphasize the importance of consequences being fair and reasonable, not punitive or retaliatory. Seek support from other family members or authorities if necessary.
#49. “I’ll make sure you suffer if you cross me.”
How To Respond:
Prioritize your own well-being and safety. Avoid engaging in power struggles and seek help from trusted individuals or authorities if threats escalate.
#50. “You’re nothing without me.”
How To Respond:
Assert your independence and self-worth. Embrace your own strengths and abilities, and avoid relying on their approval for self-esteem.
Comparison
#51. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
How To Respond:
Emphasize that each individual is unique and has their own strengths. Encourage acceptance and appreciation of your individuality.
#52. “Look at [someone else]; they’re so much better than you.”
How To Respond:
Refuse to accept comparisons as valid judgments of your worth. Focus on personal growth and self-acceptance, rather than seeking validation from external sources.
#53. “You’ll never be as successful as [another person].”
How To Respond:
Define success on your own terms and set personal goals that align with your values. Avoid measuring your worth solely against others’ achievements.
#54. “You’re always falling short of [someone else’s] achievements.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge your progress and accomplishments on your own terms. Compare yourself to your own past self rather than others.
#55. “I wish you were more like [a more accomplished person].”
How To Respond:
Express that you value your unique qualities and that your self-worth is not dependent on meeting someone else’s expectations.
#56. “You’re the disappointment in this family.”
How To Respond:
Remind yourself that you are not defined by one person’s opinion. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who appreciate your worth.
#57. “Other kids are so much more respectful than you.”
How To Respond:
Focus on improving your behavior for your own growth and development, not just to meet external expectations. Encourage open communication about family values.
#58. “You can’t hold a candle to [someone else].”
How To Respond:
Reject comparisons that diminish your self-esteem. Emphasize that your worth is not determined by how you stack up against others.
#59. “Why can’t you excel like [a more accomplished person]?”
How To Respond:
Set your own standards for excellence and prioritize personal growth and fulfillment. Avoid the trap of constantly seeking external validation.
#60. “You’re the weakest link in our family.”
How To Respond:
Challenge derogatory comparisons and focus on your own strengths and contributions to the family. Seek support from individuals who appreciate your unique qualities.
Projection
#61. “You’re just like your [negative trait] mother/other parent.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge that you are your own person with your own qualities and behaviors. Refuse to be defined solely by comparisons to others.
#62. “You’re the one who’s always trying to control me.”
How To Respond:
Reflect on your own behavior and intentions, and assert that you respect their autonomy. Encourage open discussions about boundaries and expectations.
#63. “I’m not the one with the problem; it’s you.”
How To Respond:
Encourage self-reflection and accountability while remaining open to constructive feedback. Avoid becoming defensive and focus on personal growth.
#64. “You’re the one who’s selfish, not me.”
How To Respond:
Discuss your actions and intentions openly and assert that healthy relationships involve mutual consideration. Encourage empathy and compromise.
#65. “You’re just as narcissistic as I am.”
How To Respond:
Maintain your self-awareness and strive for healthy self-esteem. Focus on self-improvement and personal growth rather than engaging in counteraccusations.
#66. “You’re the one who’s always seeking attention.”
How To Respond:
Explain your actions and motivations honestly, emphasizing that seeking attention is a normal part of human behavior. Discuss the importance of balance.
#67. “I don’t need therapy; you do.”
How To Respond:
Promote the idea that therapy can be beneficial for everyone, including yourself. Encourage open-mindedness and willingness to seek help when needed.
#68. “You’re the one who’s emotionally unstable.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge your emotions but assert that emotional instability is a complex issue that should be addressed with empathy and support. Encourage open communication.
#69. “You’re the manipulative one in this relationship.”
How To Respond:
Encourage discussions about healthy communication and boundaries. Emphasize the importance of mutual trust and respect.
#70. “You’re the one who’s always playing the victim.”
How To Respond:
Focus on self-empowerment and personal growth. Avoid falling into a victim mentality and strive to assert your own agency in your life.
Emotional Blackmail
#71. “If you do this, I’ll disown you.”
How To Respond:
Maintain your self-worth and understand that love should not be conditional. Assert your right to make choices that are best for you.
#72. “I’ll never speak to you again if you don’t do what I say.”
How To Respond:
Refuse to make decisions based on threats. Emphasize that healthy relationships involve mutual respect and open communication.
#73. “You’ll regret it if you don’t comply with my wishes.”
How To Respond:
Make decisions based on your own values and priorities rather than fear of future regret. Trust your judgment and self-determination.
#74. “You’re dead to me if you don’t do as I say.”
How To Respond:
Remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s extreme reactions. Focus on your own well-being and choices that align with your values.
#75. “I brought you into this world; I can take you out of it.”
How To Respond:
Avoid engaging in power struggles or reacting to extreme statements. Seek support from trusted individuals and authorities if necessary.
#76. “You’re nothing without me.”
How To Respond:
Assert your independence and self-worth. Embrace your own strengths and abilities, and avoid relying on their approval for self-esteem.
#77. “I’ll tell everyone what a terrible child you are.”
How To Respond:
Focus on maintaining your own integrity and values rather than reacting to threats. Seek support from people who understand your true character.
#78. “You owe me for everything I’ve done for you.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge any positive actions but assert that love and support should not come with strings attached. Express gratitude for genuine care but not for manipulative behavior.
#79. “I’ll punish you if you disobey.”
How To Respond:
Avoid making decisions out of fear and instead prioritize your well-being. Seek help and support from authorities if necessary to ensure your safety.
#80. “I’ll ruin your reputation if you don’t follow my orders.”
How To Respond:
Focus on maintaining your own integrity and actions rather than reacting to threats. Seek support from individuals who value your character.
Lack of Empathy
#81. “I don’t care how you feel; it’s not my problem.”
How To Respond:
Seek emotional support and empathy from others who can understand and validate your feelings. Focus on self-care and self-compassion.
#82. “Your pain is irrelevant to me.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge your pain and seek understanding from individuals who can empathize. Distance yourself emotionally when necessary to protect your well-being.
#83. “Why are you always making everything about you?”
How To Respond:
Assert that your feelings and concerns are valid and deserve acknowledgment. Encourage open communication and empathy within the family.
#84. “You’re on your own; I won’t help you.”
How To Respond:
Seek support from other family members, friends, or resources that can provide assistance when needed. Emphasize the importance of mutual support.
#85. “Stop trying to get sympathy from me.”
How To Respond:
Avoid seeking empathy from someone who is incapable of providing it. Focus on self-compassion and seek support from empathetic individuals.
#86. “Your suffering doesn’t concern me.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge your suffering and prioritize self-care. Seek empathy and support from others who can provide it.
#87. “I have more important things to worry about.”
How To Respond:
Recognize the importance of addressing your own emotional well-being and seek support from those who prioritize your needs.
#88. “Your feelings are a nuisance to me.”
How To Respond:
Understand that your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to express them. Surround yourself with individuals who can offer emotional support.
#89. “You’re just trying to manipulate me with your emotions.”
How To Respond:
Explain your feelings honestly and assert that your intention is not manipulation but honest communication. Seek support from individuals who understand your emotional needs.
#90. “I don’t have time for your problems.”
How To Respond:
Prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Seek support from others who are willing to listen and empathize with your challenges.
Grandiosity
#91. “I’m the best at everything; no one can compete with me.”
How To Respond:
Recognize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Encourage humility and the acknowledgment of others’ abilities.
#92. “I’m the most successful person you’ll ever know.”
How To Respond:
Define success on your own terms and focus on personal growth and fulfillment. Avoid measuring your worth solely against external achievements.
#93. “You’re lucky to have a father as amazing as me.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their positive qualities but assert that relationships should be based on mutual respect and appreciation, not one-sided admiration.
#94. “I have all the answers; you should listen to me.”
How To Respond:
Encourage open dialogue and the sharing of ideas and perspectives. Emphasize that wisdom comes from diverse sources, not just one individual.
#95. “I’m the smartest person in this house.”
How To Respond:
Respect their knowledge while asserting that intelligence is not the sole measure of a person’s worth. Encourage recognition of other forms of intelligence.
#96. “Everyone should look up to me as a role model.”
How To Respond:
Discuss the importance of positive role models and encourage humility. Emphasize that role models can be found in various aspects of life.
#97. “I’m the most important person in your life.”
How To Respond:
Assert that all family members are important and contribute to the family’s well-being. Encourage a sense of equality and respect within the family.
#98. “I’m the greatest parent who ever lived.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their positive qualities as a parent but emphasize the importance of humility and recognition of their imperfections.
#99. “I deserve all the credit for your accomplishments.”
How To Respond:
Acknowledge their support while asserting that your accomplishments are the result of your efforts and abilities. Encourage recognition of your achievements.
#100. “I’m the only one who truly understands how things work.”
How To Respond:
Encourage open discussions and the sharing of knowledge among family members. Emphasize that understanding comes from diverse perspectives.
#101. “I’m the only one who can truly succeed in this family.”
How To Respond:
Assert that success can be defined in various ways, and everyone has the potential to succeed in their own unique manner. Encourage a supportive environment where each family member can pursue their goals and aspirations.
Closing Thoughts
Dealing with a narcissistic father is undoubtedly a formidable challenge, but armed with understanding and healthy coping strategies, you can protect your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Remember, you are not alone in facing these complexities, and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can make a significant difference. Keep in mind that your feelings are valid, and your worth is not defined by someone else’s words.
By responding assertively and nurturing your own growth, you can regain control over your life, nurture healthier relationships, and find your path to emotional resilience and fulfillment.