Things Narcissistic Mothers Say
Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

Navigating a relationship with a narcissistic mother can be a challenging journey, marked by a barrage of phrases and behaviors that can leave you feeling confused, invalidated, or even manipulated. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll delve into 101 common statements that narcissistic mothers often use and provide you with practical, thoughtful responses to help you maintain your boundaries, self-worth, and emotional well-being.

Whether you’re seeking clarity on how to respond to gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or any other narcissistic tactic, this blog post aims to equip you with the tools to navigate these interactions with resilience and self-assurance.

101 Things Narcissistic Mothers Say (And How To Respond)

We’ve divided the things narcissistic mothers say into 10 categories. This way you can focus on the category that interests you the most.

These categories are:

  1. Invalidation and Gaslighting
  2. Projection
  3. Guilt-tripping
  4. Martyrdom
  5. Conditional Love
  6. Victim Hood
  7. Comparison to Siblings or Others
  8. Boundary Violations
  9. Triangulation
  10. Narcissistic Boasting

Now let’s look at the things narcissistic mothers say in each of these categories.


Invalidation and Gaslighting

How to Respond:
Stay calm and assertive. Provide evidence or examples to support your perspective and feelings. Avoid getting defensive or overly emotional.

How to Respond:
Maintain composure and express your emotions calmly. Explain why you feel the way you do, and acknowledge your emotions without allowing them to escalate.

How to Respond:
If possible, provide specific instances or evidence of what was said or done. Keep a record of important conversations if necessary to support your claims.

How to Respond:
Explain that everyone has valid emotions, and it’s essential to acknowledge and address them. Express why you feel a certain way and emphasize the importance of understanding each other’s feelings.

How to Respond:
Assert your right to your own perspective and feelings. Explain that age doesn’t invalidate your emotions or experiences, and you deserve to be heard and respected.

How to Respond:
Politely express that your memories and feelings are valid. You can suggest discussing the situation together to clarify any misunderstandings or discrepancies.

How to Respond:
Reiterate that you’re expressing your feelings and concerns genuinely, not seeking attention. Stress the importance of open communication without judgment.

How to Respond:
Share your thoughts and concerns calmly. Ask for clarification if necessary and provide reasons for why you feel the way you do.

How to Respond:
Explain the specific issues or concerns you have, providing examples if possible. Encourage a constructive conversation about resolving these concerns.

How to Respond:
Stay composed and assertive. Explain why you don’t think your concerns or feelings are ridiculous and request a respectful dialogue to address the issue.


Projection

How to Respond:
Maintain your composure and calmly address the accusation. Provide examples of times when you’ve acted selflessly and explain your perspective.

How to Respond:
Express your willingness to work together to resolve issues but also clarify that blame should be shared. Encourage open communication about the challenges you both face.

How to Respond:
Politely acknowledge their opinion but remind them that narcissism is a complex issue and should be discussed professionally. Encourage a constructive conversation.

How to Respond:
Stay calm and express your individuality. Explain that making comparisons doesn’t help resolve conflicts and that each person is unique.

How to Respond:
Share your intentions and clarify that you’re not trying to manipulate but communicate openly. Encourage a discussion about how both parties can better understand each other’s motivations.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge your ability to accept constructive criticism but clarify that you expect it to be delivered respectfully. Encourage a more respectful approach to feedback.

How to Respond:
Express your happiness for their success and your own goals. Emphasize that jealousy isn’t a productive or accurate description of your feelings.

How to Respond:
Explain your actions and motivations honestly. Emphasize that you value attention when it’s constructive and supportive but not for its sake.

How to Respond:
Express empathy and willingness to understand their feelings. Encourage a deeper conversation about the sources of their unhappiness.

How to Respond:
Maintain boundaries and assert that your actions are driven by the need for respect and healthy communication. Avoid engaging in threats or manipulation.


Guilt-Tripping

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their sacrifices but assert your boundaries. Explain that you expect respect and open communication in return for their efforts.

How to Respond:
Express gratitude for their sacrifices while also emphasizing that you didn’t ask for those sacrifices. Encourage mutual respect and understanding.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge any debts, but clarify that you didn’t ask for these gifts or favors with strings attached. Discuss healthy ways to reciprocate.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their age-related challenges but remind them that you have your own struggles too. Encourage open communication about mutual needs.

How to Respond: Express that your actions weren’t intended to hurt them, but rather to address a concern or need. Encourage an open and respectful discussion about the situation.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their stress but clarify that it’s essential for both parties to manage their stress responsibly. Discuss ways to support each other.

How to Respond:
Maintain composure and explain your perspective and motivations for your actions. Encourage a two-way conversation to resolve misunderstandings.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their feelings but assert your own emotions and needs. Encourage open dialogue about the situation.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their feelings but remind them that forgiveness can be a two-way process. Encourage a discussion about resolution and reconciliation.

How to Respond:
Maintain your boundaries and express that your actions are driven by the need for respect and healthy communication. Avoid engaging in threats or manipulation.


Martyrdom

How to Respond:
Express appreciation for their efforts but encourage an open conversation about mutual appreciation within the family.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their efforts but remind them that everyone should take responsibility for their actions. Discuss how responsibilities can be shared more equitably.

How to Respond:
Show gratitude for their concern but emphasize that everyone plays a role in the family’s well-being. Encourage open communication and collaboration.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their hard work and express appreciation for it. Suggest that communication and recognition within the family can be improved.

How to Respond:
Express appreciation for their contributions but remind them that open communication about boundaries is crucial. Discuss ways to balance responsibilities.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their contributions but assert that everyone should share the workload. Suggest creating a more balanced distribution of tasks.

How to Respond:
Express gratitude for their efforts but emphasize that appreciation should be mutual. Discuss ways to foster a culture of gratitude in the family.

How to Respond:
Show understanding for their need for self-care but assert that everyone deserves personal time. Discuss how to create space for self-care while meeting responsibilities.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their competence but assert that sharing responsibilities can benefit everyone. Discuss how to delegate tasks and promote independence.

How to Respond:
Express gratitude for their selflessness but emphasize that healthy relationships require mutual respect and understanding. Encourage open communication about family dynamics.


Conditional Love

How to Respond:
Express your desire for unconditional love and understanding. Explain that love should not be based on compliance but on mutual respect and acceptance.

How to Respond:
Clarify that love shouldn’t be measured by putting one person above all else. Emphasize the importance of balance in relationships.

How to Respond:
Express the importance of setting your own goals and living your life authentically. Explain that their approval is appreciated but not the sole measure of success.

How to Respond:
Assert your worthiness of love and approval just as you are. Explain that love should not be a reward for meeting someone else’s criteria.

How to Respond:
Share that disappointment is a part of life, and love should remain constant even when mistakes are made. Emphasize the importance of learning and growing through experiences.

How to Respond:
Express that your worth isn’t tied to enhancing their image. Stress the importance of valuing each other for who you truly are.

How to Respond:
Assert your need for unconditional love and discuss the specific behaviors or issues that concern them. Encourage open communication and problem-solving.

How to Respond:
Emphasize that favoritism based on compliance is not healthy. Discuss the importance of treating family members equally and with respect.

How to Respond:
Express your desire to pursue your own goals and achievements, even if they differ from theirs. Clarify that their pride should be based on your unique accomplishments.

How to Respond:
Explain that unconditional love is healthier and more fulfilling. Encourage a discussion about love and acceptance in your relationship.

Victimhood

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their feelings but clarify your intentions. Emphasize that your actions are not meant to harm them and encourage open communication.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their suffering but suggest that sharing their feelings and seeking support from loved ones can be helpful. Encourage open dialogue about their needs.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their perspective but encourage them to consider alternative viewpoints. Encourage open discussions that consider everyone’s feelings.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their stress but clarify that everyone is responsible for managing their emotions. Encourage a discussion about coping strategies.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their experiences but assert the importance of addressing current issues. Encourage open communication about their feelings and concerns.

How to Respond:
Express empathy for their feelings but remind them that everyone’s experiences and struggles are valid. Encourage open communication and mutual support.

How to Respond:
Express empathy and a willingness to understand their perspective. Encourage open discussions about their life experiences and challenges.

How to Respond:
Offer your support and express that you’re willing to be there for them. Encourage open communication about how you can best support each other.

How to Respond:
Express your commitment to improving the situation and ask for specific examples of how you’re causing distress. Encourage a constructive discussion about resolving conflicts.

How to Respond:
Express empathy and a desire to help them find solutions to their problems. Encourage open communication about ways to alleviate their stress.


Comparison to Siblings or Others

How to Respond:
Express that you are an individual with your own strengths and weaknesses. Encourage a discussion about accepting each other’s unique qualities.

How to Respond:
Express that everyone has different parenting styles and that you appreciate your own family’s approach. Encourage a conversation about effective communication.

How to Respond:
Share your personal achievements and aspirations, emphasizing that success is measured differently for each person. Discuss your own goals and accomplishments.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge the positive qualities of your friend while explaining that you have your unique traits. Encourage a discussion about communication and personal growth.

How to Respond:
Express your commitment to improving your relationships and ask for specific feedback. Encourage a constructive conversation about social interactions.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge that everyone has different behaviors and that comparisons may not be helpful. Discuss your own efforts to improve behavior and attitude.

How to Respond:
Express that everyone has their own way of expressing their needs and boundaries. Encourage open communication with parents about expectations.

How to Respond:
Share your own accomplishments and explain that intelligence and success are not one-size-fits-all. Discuss your goals and aspirations.

How to Respond:
Explain your own career goals and the path you are taking. Emphasize that different people have different career trajectories.

How to Respond:
Express that happiness is subjective and can’t be compared easily. Discuss your own sources of happiness and ways to improve your well-being.


Boundary Violations

How to Respond:
Politely assert your need for privacy and boundaries. Explain that trust and respect are essential in any relationship.

How to Respond:
Set clear boundaries for your personal space. Explain that you value your privacy and would appreciate it if they respect your room as your private space.

How to Respond:
Express that even within a family, individuals need personal space and boundaries. Emphasize the importance of mutual respect.

How to Respond:
Politely assert your autonomy in choosing friends and explain that making your own decisions is a crucial part of personal growth.

How to Respond:
Respectfully communicate that while you value open communication, you also have a right to privacy. Discuss the boundaries of what you’re comfortable sharing.

How to Respond:
Express your desire for autonomy in personal choices, including clothing. Discuss the importance of making decisions that align with your values.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge the importance of trust in your relationship but also explain that it’s healthy to have some personal space and privacy.

How to Respond:
Express gratitude for their concern while asserting that privacy is essential for personal development and independence.

How to Respond:
Politely explain that you value their guidance but also need the space to make and learn from your own decisions.

How to Respond:
Express your desire for autonomy in your life decisions while also appreciating their support and guidance.


Triangulation

How to Respond:
Encourage open and direct communication between you and your father. Avoid being drawn into triangulation and address issues with your father directly.

How to Respond:
Discuss the situation with your aunt separately and clarify any misunderstandings. Encourage honest and transparent communication with all parties involved.

How to Respond:
Request a meeting with your teacher to discuss your behavior at school directly. Encourage your mother to communicate with educators separately if needed.

How to Respond:
Have a one-on-one conversation with your brother to understand his perspective. Avoid getting caught up in divisive conversations initiated by your mother.

How to Respond:
Reach out to your friends to discuss any concerns or misunderstandings directly. Encourage open communication between you and your friends.

How to Respond:
Request a private conversation with your therapist to clarify their opinions and treatment goals. Ensure that your therapy sessions remain confidential.

How to Respond:
Communicate directly with your grandparents to understand their concerns and express your own perspective. Avoid allowing your mother to manipulate your relationship with them.

How to Respond:
Discuss your commitment to your team with your coach privately and address any concerns directly. Maintain open communication with your coach.

How to Respond:
Have a conversation with your boss to understand their feedback and work on improving your performance. Keep your professional relationships separate from family dynamics.

How to Respond:
Encourage those who express concerns to communicate with you directly. Avoid getting involved in gossip or triangulation.


Narcissistic Boasting

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their accomplishments but also express that your pride is based on more than just their achievements. Emphasize the importance of a deeper connection.

How to Respond:
Celebrate their success while also recognizing that success can be defined in various ways. Encourage a discussion about the diversity of achievements within the family.

How to Respond:
Express appreciation for their efforts as a parent but emphasize that the quality of the parent-child relationship goes beyond self-proclamation. Encourage open and loving communication.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their beauty but remind them that true beauty is not just physical. Encourage discussions about inner qualities and character.

How to Respond:
Celebrate their ability to socialize but also express that the focus should shift from external attention to meaningful connections with others.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their social media success but encourage humility and authenticity in their online presence. Emphasize that online popularity doesn’t define a person’s worth.

How to Respond:
Celebrate their achievements while reminding them that everyone’s life journey is unique, and accomplishments can’t be compared directly. Encourage empathy for others’ experiences.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their self-confidence but emphasize that attractiveness is subjective and based on personal preferences. Encourage discussions about self-esteem beyond physical appearance.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their intelligence but remind them that each family member has their unique strengths and talents. Encourage an appreciation for diversity within the family.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their self-assuredness but emphasize that fostering jealousy isn’t a healthy or productive approach. Encourage discussions about building positive relationships.

How to Respond:
Acknowledge their self-confidence but gently remind them that seeking meaningful connections and understanding are essential aspects of human relationships. Emphasize that no one is perfect, and growth and self-awareness are ongoing processes that can benefit everyone.

Closing Thoughts

Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be emotionally taxing, but remember, you are not alone. By recognizing these common phrases and learning how to respond assertively, you are taking steps toward reclaiming your sense of self and setting healthier boundaries.

It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being, seek support when needed, and remember that you deserve love, respect, and understanding in your relationships. While these phrases shed light on the tactics often used by narcissistic mothers, your journey towards healing and personal growth is unique. Embrace it with self-compassion, and know that there is hope for healthier, more fulfilling relationships in your future.