In a world where we encounter a wide array of personalities, there exists a type that can be particularly perplexing and emotionally draining: the covert narcissist. Covert Narcissists, characterized by their hidden manipulative tendencies, can wreak havoc on the lives of their victims. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with a covert narcissist, you likely know just how peculiar and deleterious their behaviors can be.
In this comprehensive article, we’ll delve into 51 weird things covert narcissists do, and give you some ideas on how to handle them with grace and resilience.
51 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do
Being aware of the weird things covert narcissists do should be a part of your effort to understand how the mind of a covert narcissist works and the things that they say to manipulate and exploit people.
So, let’s get right into some of the incredibly weird things covert narcissists do.
#1. Gaslighting
What Is It:
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which covert narcissists aim to make their victims doubt their own reality. They distort facts, deny previous statements, and even question your sanity.
How to Handle It:
- Trust your instincts: Believe in your perception of reality.
- Document incidents: Keep a record of instances where gaslighting occurs.
- Seek support: Reach out to a therapist or support group for validation and guidance.
2. Silent Treatment
What Is It:
Covert narcissists employ the silent treatment as a form of control. They withdraw affection and communication, leaving you feeling isolated and insignificant.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain self-worth: Remind yourself that their actions do not define your value.
- Focus on self-care: Use the time to engage in activities that bring you joy.
- Seek support: Lean on friends and family for emotional reinforcement.
3. Projecting onto Others
What Is It:
Covert narcissists often project their own flaws and insecurities onto you. They accuse you of behaviors they are guilty of themselves.
How to Handle It:
- Stay grounded: Recognize that their accusations are a reflection of their issues, not yours.
- Calmly address: If necessary, gently confront their projections and redirect the conversation.
4. Playing the Victim
What Is It:
They are skilled at playing the victim, using sympathy as a tool to manipulate others. They often depict themselves as unfairly treated or misunderstood.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain empathy: Acknowledge their feelings without compromising your boundaries.
- Set boundaries: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable.
- Encourage responsibility: Prompt them to take ownership of their actions and consequences.
5. Triangulation
What Is It:
Covert narcissists create drama by involving a third party in conflicts. They use this tactic to manipulate perceptions and gain an upper hand.
How to Handle It:
- Avoid engagement: Refuse to be drawn into their web of drama.
- Direct communication: Address issues directly with the covert narcissist rather than involving others.
- Maintain clarity: Keep records of conversations to prevent manipulation.
6. Love Bombing
What Is It:
In the initial stages of a relationship, covert narcissists shower you with excessive affection, compliments, and attention to win your trust and devotion.
How to Handle It:
- Proceed with caution: Be mindful of love bombing and take your time to get to know the person.
- Set boundaries: Establish personal limits to ensure a healthy relationship.
- Evaluate actions: Assess their consistency in treating you with respect and care.
7. Hoovering
What Is It:
Covert narcissists may cycle between pushing you away and pulling you back into their lives. They use hoovering to maintain control and keep you emotionally invested.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize the pattern: Understand that hoovering is part of their manipulation cycle.
- Prioritize self-care: Focus on your well-being and emotional healing.
- Limit contact: Consider reducing or cutting off contact if necessary.
8. Smear Campaigns
What Is It:
To protect their image and divert blame, covert narcissists may spread false information and rumors about you to tarnish your reputation.
How to Handle It:
- Gather evidence: Document instances of false accusations and rumors.
- Confide in trusted allies: Share your side of the story with friends and family.
- Seek legal advice: Consider legal action if the smear campaign has severe consequences.
9. Grandiosity
What Is It:
Covert narcissists possess an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority, believing they are special and unique.
How to Handle It:
- Stay grounded: Recognize their grandiosity as a defense mechanism to mask insecurity.
- Avoid feeding ego: Do not fuel their need for constant admiration or validation.
- Maintain assertiveness: Assert your own needs and boundaries.
10. Lack of Empathy
What Is It:
Covert narcissists struggle to empathize with others. They often dismiss or minimize your feelings and experiences.
How to Handle It:
- Seek genuine empathy elsewhere: Turn to friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support.
- Communicate openly: Address their lack of empathy calmly and assertively.
- Set boundaries: Ensure they understand the importance of respecting your emotions.
11. Emotional Manipulation
What Is It:
Covert narcissists employ emotional manipulation tactics such as guilt, pity, and fear to control and manipulate your actions and decisions.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize manipulation tactics: Educate yourself about common manipulation techniques.
- Assert boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits and expectations.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends and family who can provide a reality check.
12. Narcissistic Rage
What Is It:
When their grandiosity is challenged or their needs aren’t met, covert narcissists can erupt in intense, irrational anger known as narcissistic rage.
How to Handle It:
- Prioritize safety: If confronted with rage, ensure your physical and emotional safety.
- Maintain composure: Stay calm and avoid provoking further anger.
- Seek professional help: Consult a therapist experienced in narcissistic abuse recovery.
13. Fake Apologies
What Is It:
Covert narcissists often offer insincere apologies, lacking genuine remorse and accountability for their actions.
How to Handle It:
- Evaluate actions: Focus on whether their behavior genuinely changes.
- Set clear expectations: Communicate the need for sincere apologies and meaningful change.
- Don’t accept empty words: Look for actions that align with their apologies.
14. Withholding Affection
What Is It:
As a form of control or punishment, covert narcissists may withhold affection, intimacy, or emotional support.
How to Handle It:
- Seek support elsewhere: Find emotional fulfillment from friends, family, or a therapist.
- Communicate your needs: Express your desire for affection and emotional connection.
- Set boundaries: Make it clear that withholding affection is unacceptable behavior.
15. Boundary Violations
What Is It:
Covert narcissists frequently disregard personal boundaries, invading your physical or emotional space.
How to Handle It:
- Clearly communicate boundaries: Establish and enforce your personal limits.
- Assert consequences: Make it known that violations will lead to reduced contact.
- Limit exposure: Minimize interactions with them until they respect your boundaries.
16. Double Standards
What Is It:
Covert narcissists often expect special treatment and exemptions from rules, while holding others to higher standards.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain fairness: Consistently apply rules and expectations to all parties.
- Set boundaries: Clearly communicate that you won’t tolerate double standards.
- Avoid enabling: Refuse to cater to their sense of entitlement.
17. Criticizing Constantly
What Is It:
Covert narcissists frequently nitpick and criticize your actions and choices, attempting to undermine your self-confidence.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize your worth: Develop self-assurance and self-esteem.
- Limit exposure: Reduce interactions when subjected to constant criticism.
- Seek support: Talk to friends and loved ones who uplift your confidence.
18. Passive-Aggressiveness
What Is It:
Covert narcissists often express their anger or hostility indirectly, through subtle and passive-aggressive behaviors.
How to Handle It:
- Address passive-aggression directly: Point out their behavior and request open communication.
- Maintain assertiveness: Stay firm in your stance without escalating conflict.
- Seek couples therapy: Consider professional help to navigate passive-aggressive dynamics.
19. Playing Mind Games
What Is It:
Covert narcissists derive enjoyment from toying with your emotions and thoughts, often causing confusion and distress.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain emotional resilience: Educate yourself on manipulation tactics and emotional self-care.
- Set boundaries: Communicate your intolerance for mind games.
- Limit engagement: Reduce interactions when mind games persist.
20. Emotional Blackmail
What Is It:
Covert narcissists may resort to emotional blackmail, using threats of self-harm or dire consequences to manipulate your decisions.
How to Handle It:
- Encourage professional help: Suggest they seek therapy or counseling for their emotional struggles.
- Set boundaries: Communicate that emotional blackmail is unacceptable.
- Prioritize your well-being: Make decisions that ensure your safety and emotional health.
21. Manipulative Charm
What Is It:
They can be charming and charismatic when it suits their interests, using their charm to manipulate and control others.
How to Handle It:
- Remain cautious: Don’t be swayed solely by their charm; evaluate their actions.
- Trust your instincts: If something feels off, investigate further.
- Seek unbiased advice: Consult friends or professionals for an objective perspective.
22. Seeking Admiration
What Is It:
Covert narcissists constantly seek admiration, validation, and compliments from others to feed their ego.
How to Handle It:
- Avoid excessive praise: Don’t solely cater to their need for constant admiration.
- Encourage self-sufficiency: Urge them to develop a sense of self-worth independent of others’ opinions.
- Maintain assertiveness: Assert your boundaries when their demands become excessive.
23. Exploiting Others
What Is It:
Covert narcissists exploit people for personal gain, often using others as a means to achieve their goals or satisfy their needs.
How to Handle It:
- Be vigilant: Recognize when you’re being used for their benefit.
- Protect your interests: Prioritize your needs and well-being over their demands.
- Maintain boundaries: Establish limits to prevent exploitation.
24. Always Needing Attention
What Is It:
Covert narcissists constantly crave attention and validation, requiring others to focus on them at all times.
How to Handle It:
- Set boundaries: Establish personal time and space.
- Encourage self-sufficiency: Encourage them to develop self-worth that doesn’t rely on constant attention.
- Limit engagement: Reduce interaction when their need for attention becomes overwhelming.
25. Competing with Others
What Is It:
Covert narcissists perceive others as rivals and frequently engage in unhealthy competition, comparing themselves to everyone around them.
How to Handle It:
- Avoid competition: Refuse to engage in their competitive mindset.
- Promote cooperation: Encourage teamwork and collaboration rather than rivalry.
- Focus on personal growth: Concentrate on your own self-improvement and accomplishments.
26. One-Upping
What Is It:
Covert narcissists strive to outdo others in every situation, always needing to be the center of attention or the one with the most impressive achievements.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain confidence: Don’t allow their one-upping to diminish your self-worth.
- Redirect conversations: Steer discussions away from constant comparisons.
- Set boundaries: Communicate that their competitiveness is not welcome in your interactions.
27. Victim-Blaming
What Is It:
They often shift blame onto others, making victims feel responsible for the covert narcissist’s actions or emotions.
How to Handle It:
- Assert boundaries: Communicate that you won’t accept undue blame for their choices.
- Encourage self-responsibility: Prompt them to acknowledge their role in their problems.
- Seek therapy: Consider couples or family therapy to address victim-blaming patterns.
28. Shifting Blame
What Is It:
Covert narcissists frequently deflect responsibility for their actions, making excuses and blaming external factors or other people.
How to Handle It:
- Stay assertive: Hold them accountable for their behavior.
- Avoid taking on blame: Recognize when they are shifting responsibility unfairly.
- Seek conflict resolution: Use open communication to address blame-shifting in a constructive manner.
29. Feigned Vulnerability
What Is It:
They may pretend to be vulnerable to gain sympathy and manipulate others into providing emotional support.
How to Handle It:
- Be empathetic but cautious: Support their emotional needs, but don’t compromise your boundaries.
- Encourage self-sufficiency: Suggest they develop healthier coping mechanisms.
- Seek support: Talk to friends or a therapist for guidance on navigating feigned vulnerability.
30. Using Guilt Trips
What Is It:
Covert narcissists employ guilt as a means of control, often making you feel guilty for asserting your needs or boundaries.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize guilt trips: Identify when they are using guilt as a manipulation tactic.
- Stay firm in decisions: Don’t let guilt sway you from your choices or boundaries.
- Seek support: Consult friends or a therapist for assistance in dealing with guilt trips.
31. Pretending to Be Selfless
What Is It:
They may pretend to be selfless, performing acts of kindness that are often motivated by self-interest or the desire for admiration.
How to Handle It:
- Assess actions over words: Examine whether their selfless acts align with their true intentions.
- Maintain boundaries: Communicate your expectations for genuine selflessness.
- Encourage self-awareness: Urge them to reflect on their motives and actions.
32. Condescending Attitude
What Is It:
Covert narcissists often adopt a condescending tone or manner, belittling others to establish a sense of superiority.
How to Handle It:
- Don’t internalize belittlement: Recognize that their condescension is a reflection of their insecurities.
- Assert self-worth: Maintain confidence and self-assurance.
- Address behavior directly: Politely confront their condescending attitude when necessary.
33. Controlling Finances
What Is It:
They may control financial aspects of your life to maintain power and exert control over decisions.
How to Handle It:
- Establish financial independence: If possible, maintain control over your own finances.
- Seek financial advice: Consult a financial advisor to explore your options.
- Set clear boundaries: Communicate your expectations regarding financial control.
34. Undermining Confidence
What Is It:
Covert narcissists undermine your confidence and self-esteem, often through subtle criticism and belittlement.
How to Handle It:
- Seek support: Talk to friends and family who build you up.
- Practice self-affirmation: Focus on your strengths and achievements.
- Address belittlement: Communicate that their behavior is hurtful and unacceptable.
35. Never Taking Responsibility
What Is It:
They rarely admit fault or take responsibility for their actions, often blaming others or external factors.
How to Handle It:
- Manage expectations: Don’t anticipate genuine accountability.
- Focus on self-care: Prioritize your well-being rather than seeking their acknowledgment.
- Set boundaries: Clearly communicate that you expect responsibility for their actions.
36. Refusing to Apologize
What Is It:
Covert narcissists find it challenging to offer genuine apologies, often avoiding admitting fault.
How to Handle It:
- Don’t hold your breath: Understand that meaningful apologies may be rare.
- Prioritize your well-being: Focus on your healing process rather than seeking an apology.
- Set boundaries: Make it clear that apologies are important for resolution.
37. Keeping Secrets
What Is It:
They may hide information or keep secrets to maintain control over situations and relationships.
How to Handle It:
- Trust your instincts: Investigate further if something doesn’t feel right.
- Seek the truth: Communicate openly and insist on honesty.
- Protect your boundaries: Make it known that secrets that affect you are not acceptable.
38. Isolating Victims
What Is It:
Covert narcissists may isolate you from friends and family to increase their control and diminish your support network.
How to Handle It:
- Maintain connections: Foster relationships outside of the narcissistic dynamic.
- Communicate concerns: Express your need for social connections and emotional support.
- Seek professional help: Consult a therapist or counselor for guidance.
39. Undermining Relationships
What Is It:
They may attempt to sabotage your other relationships, causing conflict or mistrust between you and your loved ones.
How to Handle It:
- Protect relationships: Prioritize nurturing and maintaining healthy connections.
- Communicate openly: Address any concerns or conflicts caused by the covert narcissist.
- Set boundaries: Make it clear that their interference in your relationships is unacceptable.
40. Dismissing Feelings
What Is It:
Covert narcissists frequently invalidate your emotions, making you feel that your feelings are unimportant or unwarranted.
How to Handle It:
- Seek validation elsewhere: Turn to friends, family, or a therapist who value your emotions.
- Communicate openly: Express your need for empathy and understanding.
- Maintain boundaries: Make it known that emotional dismissal is not acceptable behavior.
41. Invading Privacy
What Is It:
They may invade your privacy by snooping through your personal belongings, phone, or online accounts.
How to Handle It:
- Protect personal boundaries: Safeguard your privacy and personal space.
- Address invasions directly: Politely but firmly communicate that your privacy must be respected.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends or professionals if you need guidance on dealing with invasions of privacy.
42. Belittling Accomplishments
What Is It:
Covert narcissists may belittle your achievements, downplaying your successes to maintain their sense of superiority.
How to Handle It:
- Surround yourself with support: Engage with people who celebrate your accomplishments.
- Acknowledge self-worth: Recognize that their belittlement doesn’t diminish your achievements.
- Address belittlement: Politely confront their behavior when it occurs.
43. Exploiting Insecurities
What Is It:
They prey on your insecurities, using them as leverage to manipulate and control your actions.
How to Handle It:
- Work on self-confidence: Invest in self-esteem-building activities and therapy.
- Set boundaries: Communicate that exploiting your insecurities is unacceptable.
- Limit exposure: Reduce interactions when they use your insecurities against you.
44. Avoiding Accountability
What Is It:
Covert narcissists evade responsibility for their actions, often deflecting blame or minimizing the impact of their behavior.
How to Handle It:
- Stay assertive: Hold them accountable for their actions and choices.
- Avoid taking on blame: Recognize when they are shifting responsibility unfairly.
- Seek conflict resolution: Use open communication to address accountability in a constructive manner.
45. Undermining Self-Worth
What Is It:
They can erode your self-esteem through consistent criticism, making you doubt your capabilities and worth.
How to Handle It:
- Seek therapy: Work with a therapist to rebuild self-worth and self-esteem.
- Maintain boundaries: Communicate that you won’t tolerate behavior that undermines your self-worth.
- Limit exposure: Reduce interactions when subjected to constant criticism.
46. Seeking Constant Validation
What Is It:
Covert narcissists need constant validation and reassurance to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
How to Handle It:
- Don’t bear the burden: Understand that it’s not your responsibility to constantly boost their ego.
- Encourage self-sufficiency: Suggest they develop self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation.
- Set boundaries: Communicate that you can’t provide constant validation.
47. Believing They’re Always Right
What Is It:
They rarely admit to being wrong, firmly believing that their opinions and perspectives are always correct.
How to Handle It:
- Choose your battles: Don’t engage in fruitless arguments over trivial matters.
- Prioritize your mental health: Focus on self-care and stress reduction.
- Seek support: Consult friends or a therapist for assistance in managing their need to be right.
48. Manipulating Emotions
What Is It:
Covert narcissists manipulate emotions to maintain control, often using guilt, fear, or sympathy to sway your decisions.
How to Handle It:
- Develop emotional resilience: Learn to recognize manipulation tactics and protect your emotions.
- Communicate assertively: Address emotional manipulation directly and set boundaries.
- Seek support: Consult a therapist for guidance on managing emotional manipulation.
49. Playing the Victim Card
What Is It:
They frequently play the victim, portraying themselves as innocent and unfairly treated to gain sympathy and deflect blame.
How to Handle It:
- Acknowledge their feelings: Recognize their emotions without assuming their burdens.
- Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits regarding their victim-playing behavior.
- Encourage self-responsibility: Prompt them to take ownership of their actions and consequences.
50. Creating Drama and Chaos
What Is It:
Covert narcissists thrive on drama, often manufacturing chaos in their relationships to maintain attention and control.
How to Handle It:
- Stay calm: Refuse to be pulled into their chaos and drama.
- Maintain boundaries: Communicate that you won’t tolerate excessive drama in your life.
- Seek support: Consult friends or a therapist for assistance in managing their dramatic tendencies.
51. Using Sarcasm and Passive-Aggressive Comments
What Is It:
They employ sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness as tools to undermine and hurt others without directly confronting them.
How to Handle It:
- Address disrespectful behavior assertively: Politely but firmly confront sarcasm and passive-aggressive comments.
- Maintain boundaries: Communicate that you expect respectful and direct communication.
- Seek support: Consult friends or a therapist for guidance on dealing with disrespectful behavior.
Closing Thoughts
Dealing with covert narcissists can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience. However, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and mental health when confronted with their peculiar behaviors.
By recognizing the weird things covert narcissists do, you can better protect yourself against their manipulation tactics, setting and enforcing boundaries, and seeking support from therapists and support groups, you can navigate the complex world of covert narcissists with strength and resilience.