At some point all of us have encountered a narcissist whether or not we were aware of their narcissistic tendencies at the time.
Understanding the language and behavior of narcissists, especially those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is crucial, as it can help you navigate challenging situations and protect your own well-being.
In this article, we will delve into the some of the most common things narcissists say and, more importantly, try to understand what they really mean. This way you will know what you are up against and figure out how to deal with the narcissist in your life.
Setting the Stage
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism, at its core, is a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, one’s needs, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often exhibit a lack of empathy, an entitlement mentality, and a constant need for admiration.
Narcissists possess an ego that knows no bounds, making them seem conceited, egotistical, and self-centered. They believe they are unique and deserve special treatment, and this grandiosity is a defining feature of their personality.
Why do Narcissists Often Use Specific Phrases?
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and they use language as a tool to control and exploit others. They often employ certain phrases to maintain their facade of superiority, evade accountability, and keep their victims off balance.
In this article, we will uncover the 25 common phrases frequently used by narcissists, shedding light on the hidden meanings behind these words. By understanding the true intentions behind these statements, you can better protect yourself from the emotional and psychological toll of narcissistic behavior.
25 Common Things Narcissists Say (& What They Really Mean)
Narcissists have a repertoire of phrases they employ to manipulate and control those around them. Let’s explore these common statements, uncovering the real intentions that lie beneath their words.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
- What They Really Mean: Your feelings are inconvenient to me, and I don’t want to take responsibility for hurting you.
Example: Imagine you express how hurtful a comment was, and the narcissist brushes it off with, “You’re too sensitive.” In reality, they are dismissing your emotions and avoiding responsibility for their hurtful words.
2. “You’re overreacting.”
- What They Really Mean: I want to dismiss your emotions and avoid addressing the issue.
Example: If you confront a narcissist about their behavior, they may respond with, “You’re overreacting,” which is an attempt to downplay the significance of your feelings and concerns.
3. “I was just joking.”
- What They Really Mean: I said something hurtful, but I don’t want to take responsibility for it.
Example: After making a hurtful comment, a narcissist might try to save face by saying, “I was just joking.” In reality, they said something hurtful and are trying to avoid accountability.
4. “You’re crazy.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m trying to undermine your self-esteem and make you doubt your perceptions.
Example: If you question a narcissist’s actions, they may respond with, “You’re crazy,” to make you doubt your own judgment and reality.
5. “You’re too needy.”
- What They Really Mean: Your needs are inconveniencing me, and I don’t want to meet them.
Example: If you express your needs in a relationship, a narcissist may label you as “too needy” as a way to avoid addressing your legitimate desires.
6. “You’re always so dramatic.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m downplaying your emotions to avoid dealing with them.
Example: When you express strong emotions or concerns, a narcissist may respond with, “You’re always so dramatic,” in an attempt to belittle your feelings and avoid addressing the underlying issues.
7. “You’re the problem in this relationship.”
- What They Really Mean: I refuse to take responsibility for my actions, and I want to blame you instead.
Example: Narcissists often shift blame onto their partners by saying, “You’re the problem in this relationship,” to avoid acknowledging their own faults.
8. “I never said that.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m gaslighting you by denying what I clearly said or did.
Example: When confronted with their previous statements or actions, a narcissist may deny ever saying or doing those things, making you doubt your memory and perception.
9. “You’re so lucky to have me.”
- What They Really Mean: I believe I’m superior, and you should be grateful for my presence.
Example: A narcissist might use this phrase to remind you of their supposed greatness and make you feel indebted for being in their company.
10. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m minimizing your concerns to avoid addressing them.
Example: When you express a valid concern, a narcissist might brush it off by saying, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” to avoid taking your concerns seriously.
11. “I’m the victim here.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m shifting the blame onto you and playing the victim to gain sympathy.
Example: Narcissists often portray themselves as victims to deflect attention away from their actions and garner sympathy from others.
12. “You never appreciate anything I do.”
- What They Really Mean: I expect constant praise and validation for my actions.
Example: A narcissist may use this phrase to guilt-trip you into providing constant admiration and validation for their actions, no matter how minimal.
13. “You’re so lucky I put up with you.”
- What They Really Mean: I want you to feel indebted to me for tolerating your presence.
Example: By saying this, a narcissist aims to manipulate you into feeling grateful for their mere presence and accepting their controlling behavior.
14. “I can’t believe you would think that of me.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m feigning innocence and denying any wrongdoing.
Example: When confronted with evidence of their misdeeds, a narcissist may act surprised and say, “I can’t believe you would think that of me,” to avoid taking responsibility.
15. “You’re just trying to control me.”
- What They Really Mean: I resist any attempts to hold me accountable for my actions.
Example: If you express concerns about their behavior, a narcissist may accuse you of trying to control them as a way to avoid accountability.
Understanding these phrases and their true meanings is the first step in dealing with narcissistic behavior effectively. In the upcoming sections of this article, we’ll explore the remaining common things narcissists say and how to respond assertively to protect your emotional well-being.
Stay engaged as we continue to unravel the hidden language of narcissism.
16. “You don’t understand me.”
- What They Really Mean: I want to maintain a sense of mystery and control over you.
Example: A narcissist may use this phrase to keep you at a distance emotionally, making you feel inadequate for not fully understanding their complexities.
17. “You’re so selfish.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m projecting my own selfishness onto you.
Example: When you assert your needs or boundaries, a narcissist may label you as selfish to deflect attention away from their own self-centeredness.
18. “I’m the best at everything.”
- What They Really Mean: I have an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority.
Example: Narcissists often exaggerate their abilities and achievements, claiming to be the best at everything, to reinforce their grandiose self-image.
19. “Nobody else would put up with you.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m trying to isolate you and make you dependent on me.
Example: By implying that no one else would tolerate you, a narcissist aims to isolate you from friends and family, making you more reliant on them.
20. “You’re too emotional.”
- What They Really Mean: I don’t want to deal with your emotions or take them seriously.
Example: When you express your emotions, a narcissist may dismiss them by saying, “You’re too emotional,” to avoid addressing your feelings.
21. “You’re so lucky I love you.”
- What They Really Mean: I use my love as leverage to manipulate and control you.
Example: A narcissist may use their love as a bargaining chip, making you feel indebted and obligated to comply with their wishes.
22. “I’ll forgive you this time.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m using forgiveness as a way to maintain power and control.
Example: After a conflict, a narcissist may say, “I’ll forgive you this time,” to assert dominance and imply that they hold the power to grant or withhold forgiveness.
23. “You’re so insecure.”
- What They Really Mean: I want to exploit your insecurities to my advantage.
Example: Narcissists may use this phrase to belittle you and make you doubt your self-worth, thus gaining more control over you.
24. “You’re always trying to compete with me.”
- What They Really Mean: I can’t stand the idea of anyone being equal to or better than me.
Example: When you achieve something noteworthy, a narcissist might accuse you of trying to compete with them to maintain their perceived superiority.
25. “You’re the one who needs help.”
- What They Really Mean: I’m deflecting attention away from my own issues and projecting onto you.
Example: If you suggest that they seek therapy or assistance, a narcissist may respond with, “You’re the one who needs help,” to avoid acknowledging their own flaws.
Understanding these common narcissistic phrases and their true meanings is a crucial step in dealing with narcissistic individuals.
Closing Thoughts
Navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals can be emotionally challenging. Recognizing the common phrases narcissists often use and understanding their true intentions is a powerful tool in protecting yourself from manipulation and emotional harm. Remember, compassion for yourself is essential when dealing with narcissistic behavior. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who understand the dynamics of narcissism.
By shedding light on the hidden language of narcissism, you can regain control over your life and well-being. Keep these insights in mind as you interact with narcissistic individuals, and remember that your feelings and boundaries are valid. Stay strong, and prioritize your mental and emotional health.