When Will a Narcissist Stop Hoovering
When Will a Narcissist Stop Hoovering?

If you’re exhausted from the never-ending cycle of a narcissist’s manipulation, are yearning for closure and are wondering when will a narcissist stop hoovering – then you’ve come to the right place.

In this article, we will delve into the motives behind narcissistic hoovering, factors influencing its duration, and the power of ‘No Contact’ in finding closure.

Join us as we explore strategies that you can use to break free from the grip of narcissistic abuse and regain control over your life.

Understanding Narcissistic Hoovering

Narcissistic Hoovering is a manipulative tactic employed by individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to regain control over their victims.

It refers to the persistent attempts to draw the victim back into a toxic relationship or maintain their presence in their lives. To find closure and escape the grasp of a narcissist, it is essential to understand the nature of Hoovering and its underlying motives.

What is Hoovering?

Hoovering, named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, is aptly named as it reflects the narcissist’s relentless efforts to suck their victims back into their web of manipulation and control. It can take various forms, such as love bombing, guilt-tripping, making false promises, or even resorting to threats and intimidation.

Hoovering is a key element of the narcissist’s manipulative toolbox. It serves as a means to ensure a constant flow of Narcissistic Supply, which is the attention, admiration, and validation they desperately seek to fuel their fragile self-esteem.

By reestablishing contact and engaging in Hoovering behaviors, narcissists aim to regain control over their victims, reaffirm their dominance, and exploit their vulnerabilities.

The Narcissist’s Motives Behind Hoovering

The motives behind narcissistic Hoovering are rooted in the narcissist’s insatiable hunger for Narcissistic Supply. They depend on external validation to maintain their grandiose self-image and mask their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. Hoovering becomes a way for narcissists to ensure a steady supply of attention, admiration, and power.

Narcissists view their victims as sources of emotional nourishment, the providers of the validation they crave. When victims attempt to break free or establish boundaries, it threatens the narcissist’s fragile ego.

This triggers their fear of abandonment and intensifies their need for control. They employ Hoovering as a strategy to reel their victims back into the toxic dynamic, ensuring their continued access to Narcissistic Supply.

The Narcissistic Cycle

To understand the persistence of Hoovering, it is crucial to grasp the narcissistic cycle that underlies it. Narcissists often follow a repetitive pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discard in their relationships.

Initially, they shower their victims with love, affection, and attention during the idealization phase. This creates an intense bond and fosters dependency within the victim.

However, as the relationship progresses, the narcissist’s true nature emerges. They begin to devalue their victim, criticizing, belittling, and demeaning them. This devaluation serves to exert control, break down the victim’s self-esteem, and maintain the narcissist’s sense of superiority.

Eventually, the narcissist discards the victim, either by abruptly ending the relationship or gradually withdrawing their affection and attention.

The discard phase often leads to a narcissistic injury—a blow to the narcissist’s ego and their perceived self-worth. This injury triggers a surge of intense emotions, including anger, resentment, and humiliation. To regain a sense of control and power, narcissists resort to Hoovering as a means to reestablish dominance and regain access to their victim.

How Hoovering Affects Victims

Hoovering can have profound and lasting effects on the victims of narcissistic abuse. The constant manipulation, mind games, and emotional roller coaster take a toll on their well-being and psychological state. Understanding these effects is crucial in finding closure and embarking on the path to emotional recovery.

Victims of Hoovering often find themselves trapped in a cycle of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional turmoil. The narcissist’s relentless pursuit triggers feelings of guilt, obligation, and fear, making it challenging for victims to break free. They may question their own judgment, feel responsible for the narcissist’s well-being, and struggle with the cognitive dissonance between the narcissist’s charming facade and their abusive behavior.

Furthermore, Hoovering perpetuates the emotional trauma inflicted by the narcissist. Victims may experience anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

The constant manipulation and gaslighting erode their confidence and ability to trust their own perceptions. The ongoing exposure to the narcissist’s tactics hinders their ability to heal and move forward, leaving them emotionally drained and vulnerable.

When Will A Narcissist Stop Hoovering: Influencing Factors

While every situation is unique, several factors can influence the duration of Hoovering and the narcissist’s ability to let go. Understanding these factors can provide valuable insights into the process of finding closure and breaking free from the narcissist’s clutches.

The Need for a New Supply Source

One significant factor that affects the duration of Hoovering is the narcissist’s need for a new supply source. Narcissists are notorious for seeking out relationships that provide them with the desired attention, admiration, and validation.

If they find a readily available replacement, they may shift their focus and reduce their efforts to Hoover the previous victim. The availability of a new source of Narcissistic Supply can lessen the intensity and frequency of Hoovering over time.

However, it is essential to note that this does not guarantee an end to Hoovering altogether. Narcissists often keep former victims as backup options or intermittently engage in Hoovering to ensure control and maintain their power over them.

They may continue to manipulate the victim by intermittently resurfacing in their lives or reestablishing contact during vulnerable moments.

The Need for Emotional Control

Narcissists thrive on maintaining emotional control over their victims. They derive satisfaction from exerting power, manipulating emotions, and keeping their victims off-balance.

If they sense that their previous victim is moving on, healing, and establishing emotional boundaries, they may intensify their Hoovering tactics to regain control.

Narcissists feed off the emotional reactions of their victims. They derive a sense of power and validation from eliciting emotional responses, whether positive or negative. If the victim displays indifference, strength, or resilience, it threatens the narcissist’s sense of control and dominance.

Consequently, the narcissist may escalate their Hoovering efforts in an attempt to provoke a reaction and regain the upper hand.

Narcissistic Injury

When victims assert their boundaries, go No Contact, or demonstrate independence, it can cause a narcissistic injury to the fragile ego of the narcissist. This injury occurs when the narcissist’s grandiose self-image is challenged or undermined. The narcissist perceives such actions as a rejection and an attack on their superiority.

In response to the narcissistic injury, the narcissist experiences a surge of negative emotions, including anger, shame, and humiliation. They may respond with an intense narcissistic rage, which drives their compulsion to regain control and reestablish their dominance.

This can lead to an escalation in Hoovering efforts, as the narcissist seeks to “punish” the victim and restore their sense of power.

The severity of the narcissistic injury and the narcissist’s ability to recover from it play a significant role in determining the duration of Hoovering. If the narcissist can find alternative means of securing Narcissistic Supply or redirect their focus onto a new target, they may eventually diminish their efforts to Hoover the previous victim.

However, if the injury remains unresolved, the narcissist may persist in their Hoovering attempts, desperately seeking validation and revenge.

Implementation of Boundaries and ‘No Contact’

Establishing and enforcing strict boundaries, along with implementing a ‘No Contact’ approach, is crucial in stopping narcissistic Hoovering. ‘No Contact’ involves cutting off all communication and avoiding any contact with the narcissist, effectively creating a barrier between the victim and the abuser.

Implementing ‘No Contact’ is a powerful step towards finding closure and regaining control over one’s life. It signifies a commitment to self-care, self-preservation, and the recognition that engaging with the narcissist only perpetuates the cycle of abuse.

By severing ties and blocking all avenues of communication, victims take away the narcissist’s means to manipulate and control them.

Let’s now see how ‘No Contact’ can play a major role in stopping narcissistic hoovering.

How ‘No Contact’ Helps Stop Narcissistic Hoovering

Implementing ‘No Contact’ is a transformative step towards finding closure and breaking free from the toxic grip of narcissistic Hoovering.

‘No Contact’ helps empower victims and pave the way for emotional recovery by:

  1. Breaking the Toxic Cycle
  2. Fostering Emotional Healing
  3. Establishing Clear Boundaries
  4. Regaining Independence and Autonomy
  5. Reducing Emotional Manipulation
  6. Gaining Perspective on the Abuse
  7. Redirecting Focus to Personal Growth and Well-being

Let’s look closely at each of these.

#1. Break the Toxic Cycle

By going ‘No Contact,’ victims disrupt the toxic cycle perpetuated by the narcissist. The cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard loses its power when the victim severs ties and refuses to engage. Breaking free from this destructive pattern allows victims to regain control over their lives, reclaim their self-esteem, and build a future free from the narcissist’s influence.

By cutting off all communication and contact with the narcissist, victims no longer provide the narcissist with the emotional reactions and validation they seek. This disrupts the narcissist’s control over their victims and forces them to seek alternative sources of Narcissistic Supply.

#2. Foster Emotional Healing

‘No Contact’ provides victims with the space and opportunity to focus on their emotional healing. It allows them to distance themselves from the constant triggers and emotional turmoil caused by the narcissist. Victims can begin the journey of self-discovery, self-compassion, and self-care.

During ‘No Contact,’ victims can engage in activities that promote healing and well-being. This may include therapy, journaling, mindfulness practices, creative outlets, or engaging in support groups with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse.

By prioritizing their emotional recovery, victims can gradually rebuild their self-esteem, regain their sense of self-worth, and develop healthier relationships in the future.

#3. Establish Clear Boundaries

Implementing ‘No Contact’ is a powerful way to establish and enforce clear boundaries with the narcissist. It sends a clear message that the victim will no longer tolerate the manipulation, abuse, and exploitation. Setting boundaries is essential for protecting one’s emotional well-being and preventing further harm.

As victims establish boundaries, they begin to reclaim their power and agency. They learn to recognize and respond assertively to manipulative tactics, thereby deterring the narcissist’s attempts to Hoover them back into the toxic dynamic.

By consistently upholding their boundaries, victims create a protective shield that limits the narcissist’s access to their lives and emotions.

#4. Regain Independence and Autonomy

Breaking free from the clutches of the narcissist through ‘No Contact’ empowers victims to regain their independence and autonomy. They can rediscover their own passions, interests, and identity, free from the stifling influence of the narcissist.

By taking control of their lives and making decisions based on their own needs and desires, victims rebuild their sense of self and reclaim their personal power.

During ‘No Contact,’ victims have the freedom to explore their own values, beliefs, and goals without the distortion and manipulation imposed by the narcissist. They can engage in self-reflection, identify their strengths and weaknesses, and chart a path towards personal growth and fulfillment.

#5. Reduce Emotional Manipulation

Narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation. They exploit their victims’ vulnerabilities, gaslight them, and play mind games to maintain control. However, ‘No Contact’ significantly reduces the narcissist’s ability to manipulate and emotionally exploit their victims.

By severing all contact, victims remove themselves from the narcissist’s sphere of influence. They no longer receive messages designed to confuse, guilt-trip, or provoke emotional reactions. This absence of direct communication diminishes the narcissist’s ability to manipulate and control the victim’s emotions.

‘No Contact’ also allows victims to recognize and understand the tactics employed by the narcissist. By gaining awareness of the manipulative techniques used, victims can develop strategies to resist and counteract them. They become less susceptible to emotional manipulation, reclaim their autonomy, and strengthen their emotional resilience.

#6. Gain Perspective on the Abuse

With ‘No Contact,’ victims can gain valuable perspective on the narcissistic abuse they endured. By stepping away from the chaos and toxicity of the relationship, victims can reflect on their experiences, recognize the patterns of narcissistic behavior, and come to terms with the reality of the situation.

During ‘No Contact,’ victims may experience a shift in their perception of the narcissist. They begin to see through the narcissist’s facade and understand the depth of the manipulation and abuse they endured.

This newfound perspective helps victims break free from the self-doubt and confusion that often accompany narcissistic abuse. It strengthens their resolve to find closure and move forward.

#7. Redirect Focus to Personal Growth and Well-being

‘No Contact’ provides victims with the opportunity to redirect their focus towards personal growth, self-care, and well-being. They can invest their energy into activities, relationships, and pursuits that nurture their emotional health, rebuild their confidence, and create a fulfilling life beyond the narcissistic influence.

During ‘No Contact,’ victims can prioritize self-care practices that promote healing and growth. This may include engaging in therapy, adopting healthy lifestyle habits, pursuing hobbies, and building a support network of understanding and empathetic individuals.

By nurturing their own well-being, victims can rebuild their lives on a foundation of self-love and resilience.

While ‘No Contact’ is a powerful tool, it is essential to acknowledge that healing from narcissistic abuse is a complex and multifaceted process. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion.

It is crucial for victims to seek professional support and surround themselves with a network of understanding individuals who can provide guidance, validation, and empathy.


In conclusion, finding closure and putting an end to narcissistic Hoovering is a challenging journey that requires understanding, resilience, and self-care. By comprehending the nature of Hoovering, recognizing the underlying motives, and implementing ‘No Contact,’ victims can break free from the toxic cycle and regain their emotional well-being.

Through ‘No Contact,’ victims can disrupt the control of the narcissist, foster emotional healing, establish clear boundaries, reclaim their independence, reduce emotional manipulation, gain perspective on the abuse, and redirect their focus to personal growth and well-being.

Remember, the path to closure and healing may have obstacles, but with self-empowerment, support, and perseverance, it is possible to break free from the grip of narcissistic abuse and create a brighter future.

Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and should not substitute professional advice. If you are experiencing abuse or need support, reach out to a mental health professional or a helpline dedicated to assisting victims of abuse.