Narcissism, a personality trait characterized by grandiosity, self-absorption, and a constant need for admiration, is a complex phenomenon that can profoundly impact relationships. One intriguing aspect of narcissism is the question of whether individuals with narcissistic traits are more likely to be attracted to others with similar traits.
This phenomenon, often referred to as “birds of a feather flock together,” suggests that narcissists may indeed be drawn to each other. In this article, we explore the dynamics behind this attraction, the potential consequences of two narcissists in a relationship, and how understanding these patterns can lead to healthier interactions. So, let’s dive in and answer the question – do narcissists attract narcissists?
When Do Narcissists Attract Narcissists?
Narcissists are known to exhibit certain behaviors and traits that can make them attractive to others with similar characteristics. Here are several reasons why narcissists may be drawn to each other:
#1. Similar Personality Traits
Narcissists often exhibit similar personality traits, such as grandiosity, self-centeredness, and a strong need for admiration. When two individuals with these traits come together, they may feel a sense of familiarity and understanding that can be appealing. This similarity in traits can create a comfortable dynamic where both individuals feel understood and validated in their behaviors.
#2. Mutual Validation
Being in a relationship with another narcissist can provide a sense of validation for their grandiose self-image. Each partner may admire and reinforce the other’s sense of superiority, leading to a mutually reinforcing dynamic. This validation can be addictive, as it reinforces the belief that their behavior is justified and acceptable.
#3. Shared Interests and Values
Narcissists may be drawn to each other due to shared interests and values. They may bond over their common desire for success, admiration, and attention, creating a strong sense of connection. This shared focus on similar goals can create a sense of camaraderie and understanding between narcissistic individuals.
#4. Social Circles
Narcissists often gravitate towards social circles where their traits are accepted or even admired. In such environments, they are more likely to encounter others with similar traits, increasing the likelihood of forming relationships with fellow narcissists. This social reinforcement can strengthen their narcissistic tendencies and make them more likely to seek out similar individuals for relationships.
#5. High Social Status
Narcissists are often attracted to others who possess high social status, as they may see these individuals as reflections of their own importance. This attraction to status can lead narcissists to seek out relationships with others who share their desire for recognition and admiration. This mutual desire for status can create a competitive dynamic within the relationship, as each partner seeks to outdo the other in terms of achievements and recognition.
#6. Competition and Rivalry
Narcissistic individuals are often competitive by nature, seeking to be the best and outshine others. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this competitive drive can lead to constant rivalry as each partner strives to be superior. This competition can manifest in various aspects of the relationship, such as career achievements, social status, or personal accomplishments. While this rivalry may initially be exhilarating, it can eventually lead to resentment and conflict if not managed properly.
#7. Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists seek admiration and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply. When two narcissists are in a relationship, they may provide each other with a constant source of narcissistic supply. This mutual admiration can reinforce their narcissistic tendencies and create a cycle of dependency on each other for validation. However, this reliance on external validation can be fragile and easily disrupted, leading to feelings of insecurity and instability within the relationship.
#8. Superficial Charisma
Narcissists often possess a superficial charm that can be attractive to others. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this charisma can create a powerful and magnetic dynamic between them. They may be drawn to each other’s charisma and charm, seeing it as a reflection of their own desirability and attractiveness. However, this superficial charm can mask deeper insecurities and vulnerabilities, leading to a relationship built on surface-level interactions rather than genuine emotional connection.
#9. Perceived Similarity
Narcissists may be attracted to each other due to a perceived similarity between them. They may see themselves reflected in the other person, leading to a sense of familiarity and understanding. This perceived similarity can create a sense of comfort and ease in the relationship, as both partners feel like they are on the same wavelength. However, this similarity may be superficial, masking deeper differences in values, beliefs, and behaviors that can lead to conflict and discord.
#10. Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation
Narcissistic individuals often cycle between idealizing and devaluing others in their relationships. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this cycle can become amplified, leading to intense highs and lows in the relationship. They may alternate between showering each other with affection and admiration, and then suddenly devaluing and criticizing each other. This cycle can be emotionally draining and damaging, leading to a volatile and unstable relationship dynamic.
#11. Unconscious Attraction
Some psychologists suggest that narcissists may be unconsciously attracted to others who remind them of significant figures from their past, such as parents or caregivers. These individuals may have exhibited narcissistic traits themselves, leading to a pattern of attraction to similar personalities. This unconscious attraction can create a sense of familiarity and comfort in the relationship, even if the behavior is ultimately harmful and dysfunctional.
#12. Manipulation and Control
Narcissists are known for their manipulative and controlling behavior in relationships. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this manipulation and control can become amplified as each partner seeks to dominate the other. They may engage in power struggles and mind games, using manipulation tactics to assert their dominance and get their own way. This manipulation can create a toxic and unhealthy dynamic in the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment and mistrust.
Potential Consequences of Two Narcissists in A Relationship
When two narcissists are in a relationship, their behaviors and interactions can lead to a variety of consequences. Here are several potential outcomes of two narcissists being in a relationship:
#1. Intense Power Struggles
Narcissists are often unwilling to compromise or relinquish control, leading to intense power struggles within the relationship. Such an ego clash is common problem when two narcissists marry each other. Each partner may seek to dominate the other, leading to constant conflict and tension. These power struggles can be draining and damaging, creating a toxic and unstable relationship dynamic.
#2. Lack of Empathy
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy and inability to understand or consider the feelings of others. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this lack of empathy can be magnified, leading to a lack of emotional support and understanding between partners. This can create a cold and disconnected relationship dynamic, where each partner is focused solely on their own needs and desires.
#3. Mutual Exploitation
Narcissists are often manipulative and exploitative in their relationships, seeking to use others for their own gain. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this mutual exploitation can become pervasive, with each partner seeking to manipulate the other for personal gain. This can create a relationship dynamic based on distrust and manipulation, where neither partner feels truly valued or respected.
#4. Emotional Roller Coaster
Narcissistic relationships are often characterized by intense highs and lows, known as the “narcissistic cycle.” When two narcissists are in a relationship, this emotional rollercoaster can become even more pronounced, with each partner contributing to the cycle of idealization and devaluation. This can create a chaotic and unpredictable relationship dynamic, where partners are constantly seeking validation and reassurance.
#5. Frequent Breakups and Reconciliations
Due to the volatile nature of narcissistic relationships, couples often experience frequent breakups and reconciliations. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this pattern can be exacerbated, with each partner seeking to assert their dominance and control through dramatic gestures and actions. This can create a cycle of breakup and reconciliation that is emotionally draining and damaging for both partners.
#6. Toxic Communication
Narcissists often struggle with healthy communication patterns, leading to toxic and destructive interactions. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this toxic communication can become pervasive, with each partner seeking to manipulate and control the other through their words and actions. This can create a hostile and tense environment, where communication breaks down and conflicts escalate.
#7. Isolation from Others
Narcissists may seek to isolate their partners from friends and family, seeking to control and dominate their social interactions. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this isolation can become mutual, with both partners seeking to limit each other’s interactions with others. This can create a sense of dependency and reliance on each other, leading to further isolation from external sources of support and validation.
#8. Diminished Self-Esteem
Narcissistic relationships can have a profound impact on self-esteem, with partners often feeling devalued and unappreciated. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this effect can be magnified, with each partner contributing to the other’s diminished self-esteem. This can create a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity, where each partner seeks validation and reassurance from the other without ever feeling truly satisfied.
#9. Escalating Conflicts
Narcissists are often prone to conflict, seeking to assert their dominance and control in all situations. When two narcissists are in a relationship, conflicts can escalate quickly, with each partner seeking to win at all costs. This can create a hostile and combative relationship dynamic, where conflicts are frequent and intense.
#10. Emotional Drain
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining, with partners often feeling exhausted and depleted. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this emotional drain can be doubled, with each partner seeking to fulfill their own needs without considering the impact on the other. This can create a relationship dynamic that is emotionally exhausting and unsustainable.
#11. Inability to Sustain Long-Term Commitment
Narcissistic relationships are often characterized by a lack of long-term commitment, with partners frequently seeking new sources of validation and admiration. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this lack of commitment can be pronounced, with each partner seeking to fulfill their own needs without considering the impact on the other. This can create a relationship dynamic that is unstable and transient, with partners frequently seeking new relationships to fulfill their needs.
#12. Hindrance to Personal Growth
Narcissistic relationships can hinder personal growth and development, with partners often feeling stifled and constrained. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this hindrance can be magnified, with each partner seeking to maintain control and dominance over the other. This can create a relationship dynamic that is stagnant and unfulfilling, with partners unable to grow and develop as individuals.
#13. Financial Instability
Narcissistic relationships can have financial implications, with partners often seeking to control and manipulate each other’s finances. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this financial manipulation can become pervasive, with each partner seeking to gain control over the other’s finances. This can create a sense of financial instability and insecurity, where partners are unable to trust each other with money.
#14. Impact on Children
If children are involved in a narcissistic relationship, the impact can be profound. Narcissistic parents may struggle to provide a stable and nurturing environment for their children, leading to emotional and psychological issues. When both parents are narcissistic, this impact can be doubled, with children caught in the middle of their parents’ power struggles and conflicts.
#15. Social Alienation
Narcissists may struggle to maintain healthy social relationships, often alienating others with their behavior. When two narcissists are in a relationship, this social alienation can be mutual, with both partners struggling to maintain friendships and connections outside of the relationship. This can create a sense of isolation and loneliness, where partners rely solely on each other for validation and support.
Closing Thoughts
In conclusion, the phenomenon of narcissists attracting narcissists can lead to complex and challenging relationship dynamics. While there may be initial attraction based on shared traits and values, the consequences of two narcissists being in a relationship can be detrimental.
From intense power struggles to emotional drain and social alienation, the impact can be far-reaching. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for individuals in such relationships to seek help and support. It’s important to recognize the signs and seek professional guidance to navigate these challenging dynamics and strive for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.